Words to Describe Feelings (from Steve Hein)

We all have emotions. If we can define them better, we can learn to control and manage them good.

Here is a list of words that can be used to describe our emotions:

a waste
aback
abandoned
abased
abashed
abated
abducted
aberrant
aberration
abhorred
abhorrent
abiding
abject
ablaze
able
abnormal
aboard
abolished
abominable
aboriginal aborted
abortive
abounding
about
above average
abrasive
abrupt
absent
absent-minded
absolved
absorbed
absorbent
absorbing
abstemious
abstract
absurd
abstracted
abulic
abused
abusive
abysmal abyssal
accelerated
acceptable
accepted
accepting
accessible
accident-prone
accidental
acclaimed
acclimated
accommodated
accommodating
accomplished
accosted
accosting
accountable
accredited
acrid
accurate
accursed
accusatory accused
accusing
acerbic
aching
acknowledged
acquiescent
acquisitive
acrimonious
activated
active
actualized
accurate
ad hoc
adaptable
adapted
adamant
addicted
addled
adept
adequate
adhered to adhering
adhesive
adjoined
adjoined to
adjoined with
adjoining
admirable
admiration
admired
admiring
admonished
adopted
adorable
adored
adoring
adorned
adrift
adroit
adult
adulterated
adulterous advanced
adventurous
adverse
affable
affected
affection
affectionate
affirmed
afflicted
affluent
affray
affrayed
affronted
aflutter
afraid
against
agape
aggrandized
aggravated
aggressive
aggrieved aghast
agitated
aglow
agnostic
agog
agonized
agonizing
agony
agoraphobic
agreeable
ahead
ail
ailed
aimless
airy
alarmed
alcoholic
alert
alien
alienated
alike alive
alleged
allied
allowed
allowing
allured
alluring
alone
aloof
almighty
alright
altruistic
amateur
amazed
amazing
ambiguous
ambitious
ambivalent
ambushed
amenable
amiable amorous
ample
amuck
amused
amusing
analytical
analyzed
anarchistic
anchored
ancient
anemic
anesthetized
angry
angst
angsty*
anguish
anguished
anhedonic
animalistic
animated
animosity annihilated
annoyed
annoying
anointed
anonymous
antagonistic
antagonized
anticipation
antique
antiquated
antisocial
antsy
anxiety
anxious
apart
apathetic
apathy
apologetic
apoplectic
apologized to
appalled

appealed
appealing
appeased
applauded
appraised
appreciated
appreciative
apprehension
apprehensive
approachable
appropriate
approved
approved of
approving
aquiver
archaic
ardent
arduous
argued with
argumentative
aristocratic armored
aroused
arrogant
artful
articulate
artificial
artistic
artless
ascetic
ashamed
asinine
asleep
asocial
asphyxiated
aspiring
assaulted
assertive
assessed
assisted
assuaged
assured astonished
astonishing
astounded
astute
asymmetrical
at a loss
at ease
at home
at peace
at peril
at rest
at risk
at war
ataraxic
atrocious
atrophied
attached
attacked
attentive
attracted
attractive attuned
atypical
audacious
auspicious
austere
authentic
authoritarian
authoritative
autistic
autocratic
automated
automatic
available
avaricious
avenged
average
aversion
aversive
avid
avoided
awake awakened
aware
awe
awed
awesome
awestruck
awful
awkward
awry
axiomatic

 

B
=========

babied
babyish
backward
bad
bad-tempered
badgered baffled
baited
balanced
ballistic
bamboozled
banal
banished
bankrupt
banned
bantered
bare
barracked
barraged
barbarous
barbarous
barred
barren
base
bashful
battered
battle-weary battle-worn
batty
bawdy
bawled out
bearable
bearish
beastly
beat
beaten
beaten down
beatific
beautiful
beckoned
bedazzled
bedeviled
bedraggled
befitting
befriended
befuddled
beggarly
begged begrudged
beguiled
behind
beholden
beleaguered
believed
believing
belittled
bellicose
belligerent
belonging
below average
beloved
bemeaned
bemused
benevolent
benign
bent
berated
bereaved
bereft
berserk
beseeched beset
besieged
besmirched
besotted
bested
bestial
betrayed
better
bewildered
bewitched
bewitching
biased
big
bilious
bitched at
bitchin’
bitchy
biting
bitter
bittersweet
bizarre black
blackened
blacklisted
blackmailed
blah
blame free
blamed
blameless
blaming
bland
blank
blanketed
blase
blasphemous
blasted
bleak
bled
bleeding
blessed
blighted
blind

bliss
blissful
blithe
blocked
bloodthirsty
bloody
bloody-minded
bloomed
blooming
blossomed
blossoming
blown apart
blown around
blown away
blown to bits
blown to pieces
blown up
bludgeoned
blue
blur
blurred blurry
blustered
boastful
bodacious
boggled
bogus
boiling
boisterous
bold
bombarded
bombastic
bonkers
boorish
bored
boring
bossed-around
bossy
bothered
bothersome
bottled
bottled up bought
bouncy
bound
bound-up
bounded
boundless
boxed-in
boxed-out
bowled over
braced
brainwashable
brainwashed
brainy
brash
bratty
brave
brazen
breathless
breathtaken
breathtaking
breezy brief
bridled
bright
bright eyed
bright eyed and bushy tailed
brilliant
brisk
bristling
broad
broadminded
broken
broken-hearted
broken-down
broken-up
brooding
broody
browbeaten
bruised
brushed-off
burly
busted brutal
brutalized
brutish
bubbly
bucky * see note below
buffeted
bugged
buggered
bulldozed
bullied
bullish
bullshitted
bullshitted to
bummed
bummed out
buoyant
burdened
burdensome
buried
burned
burned-out burned-up
bursting
bushed
bushwhacked
busy
buzzed
bypassed

 

C
=========

caged
caged in
cagey
cajoled
calculating
callous
callow
calm
calmed down cannibalized
canny
cantankerous
capable
capitulated
capitulating
capitulation
capricious
captious
captivated
captivating
captive
captured
cared about
cared for
carefree
careful
careless
careworn
caring
carried away cast
cast about
cast down
cast out
castigated
catapulted
catatonic
categorized
cathartic
catty
caught
cautious
ceaseless
cavalier
censored
censured
centered
certain
chafed
chagrined
chained challenged
challenging
changeable
changed
changing
chaotic
chapfallen
charged
charismatic
charitable
charmed
charming
chased
chaste
chastised
chatty
cheap
cheapened
cheated
cheated on
cheeky cheerful
cheerless
cheery
cherished
chewed-up
chic
chicken
chided
childish
childless
childlike
chilled
chilling
chilly
chipper
chivalrous
choked
choked-up
choosy
chosen
chucked out

chuffed
churlish
circumspect
circumvented
civil
civilized
clammy
classy
claustrophobic
clean
cleansed
clear
cleared
clear-headed
clenched
clever
clingy
cloistered
close
closed
closed in closed-minded
clouded
cloudy
clowned (made a fool of)
clued in
clueless
clumsy
clung to
coarse
coaxed
cocky
codependent
coddled
coerced
coherent
cold
cold-blooded
cold-hearted
collapsed
collapsing
collected colonized
colorful
colossal
comatose
combative
comfortable
comforted
comfy
commanded
commanding
committed
common
commonplace
communicative
communistic
comparative
compared
compassionate
compatible
compelled
compersion competent
competitive
complacent
complementary
complete
complex
compliant
complicated
complimentary
complimented
composed
compressed
compromised
compromising
compulsive
compunction
conceited
concentrated
concerned
condemned
condescended to condescending
confident
confined
confirmed
confirming
conflicted
conforming
conformist
confounded
confronted
confronting
confrontive
confused
congenial
connected
conned
conniving
conquered
conscientious
conscious
consecrated conservative
considerate
considered
consistent
consoled
consoling
conspicuous
conspiratorial
conspired against
constrained
constricted
constructive
consulted
consumed
contagious
contained
contaminated
contemplative
contempt
contemptible
contemptuous content
contented
contentious
contrarian
contrary
contradictory
contributing
contrite
controlled
controlling
convenient
conventional
convicted
convinced
convincing
convivial
cooed to
cooing
cool
cooped up
cooperative copasetic
coped with
copied
coping
cordial
cornered
corralled
correct
corrosive
corrupt
corrupted
counterfeit
counter-
productive
courageous
courteous
courtly
coveted
covetous
cowardly
coy cozy
crabby
crashed
crafty
cramped
cranky
crap
crappy
crass
craven
craving
crazed
crazy
credible
creeped out
creepy
creative
credulous
crestfallen
criminal
crippled critical
criticized
crooked
cross
crossed
cross-examined
crotchety
crowded
crucial
crucified
cruddy
crude
cruel
crummy
crumpled
crushed
cryptic
cuckolded
cuckoo
cuddled
cuddly

culled
culpable
cultivated
cultured
cumbersome
cunning
cupidity
curious
curmudgeonly
cursed
cut
cut-down
cute
cut-off
cynical

 

D
========

daffy dainty
damaged
damaging
damned
dandy
dangerous
dapper
dared
daring
dark
dashed
dashing
dastardly
daunted
dauntless
dazed
dazzled
dazzling
dead
dead inside
deadpan dear
debased
debated
debauched
debilitated
debilitating
debriefed
decadent
debonair
deceitful
deceived
decent
deceptive
decisive
decided
decimated
decorous
decrepit
decried
dedicated
deep deeply
defamed
deafened
defeated
defective
defenseless
defensive
deferent
defiant
deficient
defiled
definite
deflated
deformed
degenerate
degradation
degraded
dehumanized
dejected
delayed
deleted deleterious
delicate
delighted
delightful
delinquent
delirious
delivered
deluded
demanding
demeaned
demeaning
demented
democratic
demolished
demonized
demoralized
demoralizing
demoted
demotivated
demure
denatured denigrated
denounced
dense
denurtured
dependable
depended upon
dependent
depleted
deported
depraved
deprecated
depreciated
depressed
deprived
derailed
deranged
derided
derisive
desecrated
deserted
deserving

desiccated
desirable
desire
desired
desirous
desolate
despair
despairing
desperate
despicable
despised
despondent
detailed
destitute
destroyed
destructive
desultory
detached
detained
deteriorated
determined detest
detestable
detested
detoxified
devaluated
devalued
devastated
developed
deviant
devil-may-care
devious
devoid
devoid of…
devoted
devoured
devout
diabolical
diagnosed
dictated to
dictatorial
didactic different
difficult
diffident
diffused
dignified
diligent
dim
dimensionless
diminished
diminutive
diplomatic
dire
direful
direct
directionless
dirty
disabled
disaffected
disagreeable
disalike*
disappointed disappointing
disapproved of
disapproving
disarmed
disbelieved
disbelieving
discardable
discarded
disciplined
discomfit
discombobulated
disconcerted
disconnected
disconsolate
discontent
discontented
discounted
discouraged
discouraging
discredited
discriminated

discriminating
discreet
disdain
disdained
disdainful
disembodied
disempowered
disenchanted
disenfranchised
disengaged
disentangled
disfavored
disgraced
disgraceful
disgracing
disgruntled
disguised
disgust
disgusted
disgusting
disharmonious disheartened
disheveled
dishonest
dishonorable
dishonored
disillusioned
disinclined
disingenuous
disintegritous *
disinterested
disjointed
dislike
disliked
dislocated
dislodged
disloyal
dismal
dismayed
dismembered
dismissed
dismissive disobedient
disobeyed
disorderly
disorganized
disoriented
disowned
disparaged
dispassionate
dispensable
dispirited
displaced
displeased
disposable
dispossessed
disputed
disquieted
disregarded
disrespected
disruptive
dissatisfied
dissected dissed
dissident
dissipated
dissociated
distant
distinguished
distorted
distracted
distraught
distressed
distrusted
distrustful
disturbed
disused
ditched
divergent
diverted
divested
divisable
divided
divorced dizzy
docile
dogged
dogmatic
doleful
dolorous
domestic
domesticated
dominant
dominated
dominating
domineered
domineering
done
doomed
dooped
dorky
doted on
doting
double-crossed
doubted doubtful
dour
dowdy
down
down and out
down in the dumps
downcast
downhearted
downtrodden
draconian
dragged down
drained
dramatic
drastic
drawn away
drawn back
drawn in
drawn toward
dread
dreaded
dreadful dreamy
dreary
dried-up
driven
driven away
driven out
droll
droopy
dropped
drowning
drubbed
drummed
drunk
dry
dubious
dull
dulled
dumb
dumbfounded
dumped
dumped on dumbstruck
duped
dusty
dutiful
dwarfed
dying
dynamic
dysfunctional
dysphoric
dysthymic

 

E
========

eager
early
earnest
earthy
eased easy
easy-going
ebullient
eccentric
eclectic
eclipsed
economical
ecstatic
edgy
edified
edifying
educated
effaced
effective
effeminate
effervescent
effete
efficacious
efficient
effusive
egocentric egotistic
egotistical
elastic
elated
elevated
elderly
electric
electrified
elegant
elevated
elite
eloquent
elusive
emancipated
emasculated
embarrassed
embittered
emboldened
embryonic
emerged
eminent

emotional
emotionless
emotionally bankrupt
emotionally bloated
emotionally constipated
emotionally literate
emotionally illiterate
emotive
empathetic
empathic
emphatic
empowered
empty
empty of (feeling word)
enabled
enamored
enchanted
enchanting
enclosed
encompassed
encouraged encouraging
encroached upon
encumbered
endangered
endeared
endearing
endowed
endurable
endured
enduring
energetic
energized
enervated
enfeebled
enfeebling
engaged
engrossed
engulfed
enhanced
enigmatic
enjoyment enlightened
enlivened
enmeshed
ennobled
ennui
enormous
enraged
enraptured
enriched
enslaved
entangled
enterprising
entertained
entertaining
enthralled
enthusiastic
enticed
enticing
entitled
entombed
entranced entrapped
entrenched
entrepreneurial
entrusted
enveloped
envied
envious
envy
equal
equality
equanimous
equable
equipped
equitable
eradicated
erratic
erasable
erased
eros
escalated
essential established
esteemed
estranged
ethereal
etiolated
euphoric
evaded
evaluated
evanescent
evasive
evicted
evil
eviscerated
exacerbated
exacerbating
examined
exasperated
exasperating
exasperation
excellent
excessive excitable
excited
excluded
exclusive
excommunicated
excoriated
exculpated
execrated
excused
exempt
exempted
exhausted
exhilarated
exiled
exigent
exonerated
exorcised
exotic
expansive
expatriated
expendable expensive
expectant
experienced
experimental
exploitative
exploited
exported
explosive
exposed
expressive
expunged
extraordinary
extravagant
extreme
extricated
extroverted
exuberant
exultant

 

F ========

fabricated
fabulous
facetious
factious
faded
failful *
faint
fainthearted
fair
faith
faithful
fake
fallacious
fallen
fallible
fallow
false
falsely
falsely accused faltering
famished
famous
fanatical
fanciful
fancy
fantabulous
fantasizing
fantastic
farcical
fascinated
fascinating
fascination
fashionable
fast
fastidious
fat
fatalistic
fathered
fatherless
fatigued fatuous
faulty
favored
fawned
fawned over
fawning
fazed
fear
feared
fearful
fearless
feckless
fed up
feeble
feeling
feigned
feigning
feisty
felicitous
feminine
fermenting

ferocious
fertile
fervent
fervor
festive
fettered
fickle
fidgety
fiendish
fierce
fiery
filthy
fine
finicky
finished
fired
firm
first
first-class
first-rate
fit fixated
flabbergasted
flagellated
flagrant
flailed
flaky
flamboyant
flammable
flappable
flashy
flat
flattered
flawed
flawless
fledgling
fleeced
flexible
flighty
flimflammed
flimsy
flip flippant
flipped-out
flirtatious
flirted with
flogged
floored
flowery
fluffy
fluid
flummoxed
floundering
flourishing
flush
flustered
fluttering
flustrated
focused
fogged in
foggy
foiled
followed fond
foolhardy
foolish
forbearance
forbearing
forbidden
forced
forced away
forced in
forced out
forceful
foreign
fore-sighted
forgetful
forgettable
foggy
forgivable
forgiven
forgiving
forgotten
forlorn formal
formed
formidable
forsaken
fortified
fortunate
forward
foul
fouled
fouled-up
fractured
fragile
fragmented
frail
framed
frank
frantic
fraternal
fraternal loyalty
fraudulent
fraught frazzled
freaked
freaked out
freakish
freaky
free
free and easy
frenetic
frenzied
fresh
fret-filled
fretful
fretting
fried, fried out
friendless
friendly
frightened
frigid
frisky
frivolous
frolicsome froward
frowned upon
frowning
frugal
fruitful
frustrated
frustration
fulfilled
full
full of…
full of energy
full of life
full on
fuming
funereal
fun
functional
funky
funloving
funny
furious furtive
fury
fussy
futile
future minded
future oriented
futuristic

 

G
=======

gabby
gagged
gainful
gallant
galled
galvanized
game
gamey gamy
ganged up on
gaped at
gaping
garbled
garrulous
gauche
gaudy
gawky
gay
geeky
generous
genial
gentle
genuine
ghastly
giant
gigantic
giddy
gifted
giggly gilded
giving
glad
glamorized
glamorous
gleaming
glee
gleeful
glib
gloomy
glorious
glowing
glossy
glum
gluttonous
goose bumpy
gnawing
goaded
gobsmacked
gobstruck
goobered

good
good-looking
good-natured
goofy
gorgeous
gory
gothic
graceful
gracious
graded
grand
grandiose
granted
grateful
gratified
grave
great
greed
greedy
green
gregarious grey
grief
grief-stricken
grieved
grieving
grim
groovy
gross
grossed-out
grotesque
grouchy
grounded
groveling
grown
grown up
gruesome
grumpy
guarded
gubered (goobered)
guided
guilt guilt-free
guilt-tripped
guiltless
guilty
gullible
gushy
gutless
gutsy
gutted
guttural
gypped

 

H
=======

 

habitual
hacked off
haggard
haggled hallowed
half assed
half crazy
half hearted
half mad
half witted
halted
halting
hammered
hampered
handicapped
handsome
handsomely
hapless
happy
happy-go-lucky
harangued
harassed
hard
hardened
hard-headed hard-hearted
hard-pressed
hard-working
hardy
harmed
harmless
harmonious
harnessed
harried
hassled
hasty
hate
hated
hateful
hatred
haughty
haunted
hazy
headstrong
heady
healed health-conscious
healthy
heard
heartbreaking
heartbroken
heartened
heartful
heartless
heartrending
heartsick
heart-to-heart
hearty
heavy
heavy-hearted
heckled
heeded
held dear
helped
helpful
helpless
henpecked hep
herded
heroic
hexed
hesitant
hideous
high
highfalutin
highfaluting
high-spirited
hilarious
hindered
hip
historical
hoaxed
holistic
hollow
homely
homesick
honest
honorable honored
hoodwinked
hope
hopeful
hopeless
hormonal
horny
horrendous
horrible
horrific
horrified
horror
horror-stricken
hospitable
hostile
hot
hot to trot
hot-headed
hot-tempered
hounded
huge humane
humble
humbled
humdrum
humiliated
humiliation
humility
humored
humorous
hung up
hung over
hungry
hunky dory
hunted
hurried
hurt
hustled
hyped-up
hyper
hyperactive
hypervigilant hyphe, hyphee, hyphy
hypnotic
hypnotized
hypocritical
hypomanic
hysterical

 

I
=======

icky
idealistic
idiosyncratic
idiotic
idle
idolized
ignoble
ignominious
ignorant
ignored

ill
ill at ease
ill-humored
ill-tempered
illegal
illicit
illiterate
illuminated
illustrious
imaginary
imaginative
imbalanced
immaculate
immature
immense
imminent
immobile
immobilized
immodest
immoral
immortal immune
impaired
impartial
impassioned
impassive
impatient
impeccable
impeded
impelled
imperatived*
imperfect
imperiled
imperious
impermanent
impermeable
impertinent
imperturbable
impervious
impetuous
impious
impish implacable
impolite
important
imported
importunate
imposed-upon
imposing
impotent
impoverished
impractical
impressed
imprisoned
impudent
impugned
impulsive
impure
in a huff
in a quandary
in a stew
in alignment
in control in despair
in doubt
in fear
in harmony
in pain
in the dumps
in the way
in touch
in tune
inaccessible
inactive
inadequate
inane
inappropriate
inattentive
incapable
incapacitated
incensed
incoherent
incommunicative
incompatible incompetent
incomplete
inconceivable
inconclusive
incongruent
inconsiderate
inconsistent
inconsolable
inconspicuous
inconvenienced
inconvenient
incorrect
incorrigible
incredible
incredulous
inculcated
indebted
indecent
indecisive
indefinite
indemnified indentured
independent
indescribable
indestructible
indicted
indifferent
indignant
identified
indirect
indiscreet
indoctrinated
indolent
indulgent
industrious
inebriated
ineffective
ineffectual
inefficient
inept
inert
inequality inexcusable
inexpendable
inexperienced
inexplicable
infallible
infamous
infantile
infantilized
infatuated
infected
inferior
infirm
inflamed
inflammatory
inflated
inflexible
influenced
influential
informal
informed
infuriated infused
ingenious
ingenuous
ingratiated
ingratiating
inhibited
inhospitable
inhumane
inimical
injured
injusticed*
innate
innocent
innovative
inoculated
inquiring
inquisitive
insane
insatiable
inscrutable
insecure insensitive
inside-out
insightful
insignificant
insincere
insipid
insistent
insolent
insouciant
inspired
instinctive
instilled
instructive
insufficient
insulted
insulting
insurgent
intact
integritous *
intellectual
intelligent intense
intent
intentional
interested
interesting
interfered with
interfering
internal
interrelated
interrogated
interrupted
intimate
intimidated
intimidating
inoculated
intolerant
intoxicated
intrepid
intrigued
introspective
introverted

intruded upon
intrusive
inundated
intuitive
invalidated
invalidating
inventive
invested
invested in
invigorated
invincible
invisible
invited
inviting
involved
invulnerable
irascible
irate
irked
irrational
irrelevant irreligious
irreproachable
irresistible
irresolute
irresponsible
irreverent
irritable
irritated
isolated
itchy

 

J
=======

jaded
jagged
jangled
jarred
jaundiced
jaunty jazzed
jazzy
jealous
jealousy
jeered
jejune
jeopardized
jerked around
jilted
jinxed
jittery
jobless
jocular
jolly
jolted
jostled
jovial
joyful
joyless
joyous
jubilant judged
judgmental
judicious
juggled
juiced
juiced up
jumbled
jumped
jumped on
jumpy
junk
junked
junky
just
justiced*
justified
juvenile

K
=======
kaput
keen
kept
kept at bay
kept away
kept in
kept out
kicked
kicked around
kicked back
kidded
kind
kindhearted
kindly
kingly
kinky
knackered
knightly
knocked
knocked down
knocked out knotted
knotted up
knotty
knowing
knowledgeable
known
kooky

 

L
=======

labeled
labile
labored
lascivious
lackadaisical
lacking
lackluster
laconic
lagging behind laid-back
lambasted
lame
lamentable
lamentful *
lamenting
lampooned
languid
languishing
lascivious
lassoed
large
late
laughable
laughed at
lavish
lavished
lax
lazy
lean
learned led astray
leaned on
leaning
lecherous
lectured to
leery
left out
legal
legitimate
let down
lethal
lethargic
level
level-headed
lewd
liable
liberal
liberated
licentious
lied about
lied to lifeless
lifelike
lifted
light
light-hearted
likable
likeable
liked
limerent
limited
limp
lionhearted
listened to
listless
literate
litigious
little
lively
livid
loath
loathed loathing
loathsome
logical
lonely
lonesome
longing
loopy
loose
loosed
lopsided
lorded over
lost
loud
lousy
loutish
lovable
love
loved
loveless
lovely
loving

lovelorn
lovestruck
low
low-spirited
lowly
lowness
loyal
lubricious
luckless
lucky
ludicrous
lugubrious
luminous
lured
luring
lurking
lush
lust
lustful
lusty
luxuriant luxurious
lying
lynched
lyrical

 

M
======

macabre
macho
mad
maddened
maddening
made fun of
madly
magical
magnificent
maimed
majestic
makeshift maladjusted
malaise
maligned
malcontent
malleable
malevolent
malice
malicious
malignant
maligned
malnourished
mammoth
man handled
manageable
managed
managerial
mangled
maniacal
manic
manipulable
manipulated manipulative
manly
marauding
marginalized
marked
married
marshalled around
marvelous
masochistic
massive
masterful
materialistic
maternal
mature
maudlin
meager
mean
meanness
measly
mechanical
medicated mediocre
meditative
medmanic
meek
megalomaniacal
melancholic
melancholy
melded
mellow
melodic
melodramatic
menaced
menacing
mended
merciful
mere
merry
mesmerized
messed about
messed around
messed with messed up
messy
methodical
meticulous
micro-managed
miffed
mighty
militant
mind-bent
mind-blown
mind-*ucked
mind-gamed
mind-shattered
mind-warped
mindful
mindless
miniature
minimized
miniscule
minor
miraculous mirthful
misaligned
misanthropic
mischievous
miscreant
misdiagnosed
miserable
miserly
misgiving
misguided
misidentified
misinformed
misinterpreted
misled
misrepresented
missed
missed out
missing
missing out
mistaken
mistreated mistrusted
mistrustful
misunderstood
misused
mixed-up
moaning
moany
mobbed
mobile
mobilized
mocked
mocking
modern
modest
molded
moldy
molested
mollified
mollycoddled
momentous
monitored monopolistic
monopolized
monstrous
moody
mopey
moping
moral
moralistic
morbid
mordant
moribund
moronic
morose
mortified
mothered
mothering
motherless
motherly
motivated
mournful
mouthy moved
mucked up
muddied
muddled
muffled
multi-directional
mummified
mumpish
mundane
murderous
murky
mushy
musical
mutinied
mutinous
muzzled
mysterious
mystical
mystified

N
======

nagged
nailed
naive
naked
namby pamby
nameless
nannied
nappy
narcissistic
narrow
narrow-minded
nasty
native
natural
naughty
nauseated
nauseating
neat nebulous
necessary
need
needed
needled
needless
needy
negated
negative
neglected
negligent
neighborly
nerdy
nervous
nervy
nestled
nettled
neurotic
neutral
new
nice nifty
niggardly
niggled
nihilistic
nippy
nit-picked
nit-picking
nit-picky
noble
noiseless
noisy
nomadic
nonchalant
noncommittal
nonconforming
nonconformst
nondescript
nonexistent
nonplused
nonresistant
normal nosey
nosy
nostalgic
nothing
noticed
nourished
nourishing
novel
noxious
nudged
null
nullified
numb
numbed
nursed
nurtured
nurturing
nuts
nutty

O
=======

obedient
obeyed
objectified
obligated
obliged
obliging
obliterated
oblivious
obnoxious
obscene
obscured
obsequious
observant
observed
obsessed
obsessive
obsolete
obstinate obstructed
obvious
odd
off
off the hook
off-balance
off-center
offended
offensive
officious
ogre-ish
okay
old
old-fashioned
omnipotent
on
on call
on display
on time
one-upped
open open-minded
opinionated
opportunistic
opposed
opposition
oppositional
oppressed
optimistic
opulent
ordered around
orderly
organized
orgasmic
ornery
orphaned
ostentatious
ostracized
ousted
out of balance
out of control
out of it out of place
out of sorts
out of style
out of touch
out of tune
outdated
outdone
outgoing
outlandish
outnumbered
outpowered
outraged
outrageous
outranked
outreasoned
outspoken
over
over-controlled
over-depended upon
over-done
over-educated over-pathologized
over-prepared
over-protected
over-ruled
over-simplified
overanxious
overbearing
overcome
overdrawn
overestimated
overjoyed
overloaded
overlooked
overpowered
oversensitive
overwhelmed
overworked
overwrought
overszealous
owed
owing owned
ownership
owning

 

P
======

pacified
paid off
pain
pained
painful
paired
paired-off
paired-up
pampered
panic
panicked
panicky
paralyzed

paranoid
parasitic
pardoned
parsimonious
partial
passed by
passed off
passed over
passed up
passionate
passive
pastoral
paternal
pathetic
pathologized
patient
patronized
peaceful
peachy
peaked
peckish peculiar
pedantic
pedestalized *
pedestrian
peeved
peevish
pell-mell
penetrable
penetrated
pensive
peonized
peppy
perceived
perceptive
peremptory
perfect
perfectionistic
perfused
perilous
peripheral
perky permanent
permeable
perplexed
persecuted
persevering
persistent
persnickety
perspicacious
perspicuous
persuaded
persuasive
pert
pertinacious
pertinent
perturbed
perused
perverted
pervious
pesky
pessimistic
pestered pesty
petered out
petrified
petrinoid
petty
petulant
phat
philanthropic
phlegmatic
phony
picked apart
picked on
pierced
pigeon-holed
pillaged
pillaging
pious
piqued
pissed
pissed off
pissed on pissy
piteous
pitied
pitiful
pitiless
pity
pixelated
placated
placid
plagued
plain
planless
played with
playful
pleading
pleasant
pleased
pleasure
pliable
pliant
plumbed plundered
plundering
plunging
plush
poised
poisoned
polite
polluted
pompous
pooped
poor
poorly
popular
porous
portentous
positive
possessed
possessionless
possessive
postal
potent pouty
powerful
powerless
practical
praised
pragmatic
pre-judged
preached to
precarious
precious
precluded
precocious
preoccupied
predjudiced
prepared
preposterous
preppy
prescient
pressed
pressured
prestigious presumptuous
pretentious
pretty
preyed upon
pride
prim
primal
primary
primitive
prissy
pristine
private
privileged
privy
prized
proactive
probationary
probationed
probed
prodigal
prodigious productive
profane
professional
progressing
progressive
progress-minded
promiscuous
promised
promoted
promotional
prone to
propagandistic
propagandized
propelled
proper
prophesized to
prophetic
prosaic
prosecuted
prosperous
prostituted protected
protective
proud
provincial
provisional
provocative
provoked
prudish
psyched
psychopathic
psychotic
puerile
pugnacious
puffed up
pulled
pulled ahead
pulled apart
pulled away
pulled back
pulled down
pulled forward

pulled in
pulverized
pummeled
pumped
pumped up
punctual
punch drunk
punched
punished
puny
pure
purged
purlish
purposeful
pursuant
pursued
pushed
pushed ahead
pushed away
pushed back
pushed forward pushed in
pushy
pusillanimous
put away
put down
put out
put upon
put down
puzzled
psychedelic

 

Q
======

quaint
quaking
qualified
qualmish
quandary
quarantined quarrelsome
quashed
queasy
queer
queried
querulous
questioned
questioning
quick
quiescent
quiet
quietened
quirky
quivery
quixotic
quizzed
quizzical

 

R
======
rad
radiant
radical
rage
rageful
raging
raided
railroaded
raked
raked-over
rambunctious
rancid
randy
ransacked
rapacious
raped
rapt
rapture
rapturous
rare rash
rated
rational
rattled
raunchy
ravenous
ravished
ravishing
raw
re-energized
re-enforced
reachable
reactionary
reactive
ready
real
realistic
reamed
reamed out
reasonable
reassured rebellious
reborn
rebounding
rebuffed
rebuked
recalcitrant
receptive
recharged
reckless
reclusive
recognized
recommended
reconciled
recouperated
recovered
recruited
redeemed
red-hot
reduced
refactory
refined reflective
refreshed
refueled
regal
regimented
regressing
regressive
regret
regretful
rejectable
rejected
rejecting
rejoiced
rejoicing
rejuvenated
relaxed
released
relentless
reliable
reliant
relieved religious
reluctant
remedied
reminiscent
remiss
remorse
remorseful
remorseless
remote
removed
renewed
renown
renowned
repatriated
repelled
repentant
replaceable
replaced
replenished
reprehensible
repressed reprimanded
reproached
reproved
repugnant
repulsed
repulsive
rescued
resented
resentful
resentment
reserved
resigned
resilient
resistant
resisting
resolute
resolved
resourceful
respected
respectful
responsible responsive
rested
restful
restive
restless
restrained
restricted
retaliated
retaliated against
retaliatory
retarded
reticent
retired
reunited
revealed
revengeful
revered
reverent
reviled
revitalized
revisited

revived
revolted
revolting
revolutionary
rewarded
rich
ridden
ridiculed
ridiculous
riding high
right
righteous
rigid
rigorous
riled
ripped
ripped off
riveted
robbed
robot like
robotic robust
romantic
rotten
rough
rowdy
rubbery
rubricized
rude
rudderless
rueful
ruffled
ruined
ruled
run down
run out
run over
rushed
ruthful
ruthless

S
=====

sabotaged
sacrificed
sacrificial
sacrilegious
sad
sadistic
safe
sagacious
sage
salacious
sanctified
santifying
sanctimonious
sanctioned
sandpapered
sane
sanguinary
sanguine sapient
sarcastic
sardonic
sassy
sated
satiated
satisfied
saturated
saturnine
saucy
saved
savvy
scandalized
scandalous
scapegoated
scared
scarred
scathed
scattered
scheming
scientific scintillated
scintillating
scurrilous
scoffed at
scolded
scorn
scorned
scornful
screwed
screwed over
screwed up
scrutinized
sealed out
sealed in
sealed off
sealed out
sealed up
searching
seared
second
secondary second-class
second-guessed
second-rate
secure
sedate
sedentary
seditious
seduced
seductive
seeking
seething
seized
selected
selective
selt-abasing
self-absorbed
self-acceptance
self-acceptant
self-accepting
self-agrandizing
self-assured self-centered
self-confident
self-conscious
self-critical
self-deprecating
self-depreciating
self-destructive
self-disciplined
self-effacing
self-expressed
self-flagellating
self-forgiving
self-hate
self-hating
self-hatred
self-indulgent
self-loathing
self-love
self-pitying
self-pleasing
self-reflective self-rejection
self-reliant
self-righteous
self-sacrificing
self-satisfied
self-serving
self-understanding
selfish
selfless
senile
sensational
sensible
sensitive
sensual
sensuous
sentenced
sentimental
separated
serene
serendipitous
serious servile
set
set up
settled
sexy
shadowed
shaken
shaky
shallow
shamed
shameful
shaped
sharky
sharp
shattered
sheepish
sheltered
shielded
shocked
shook-up
shortchanged shot-down
shouted at
shredded
shrewd
shrunk, shrunken
shunned
shut out
shy
sick
sick at heart
sickened
side-lined
significant
silenced
silent
silly
simple
simplified
sincere
sinful
single

singled-out
sinister
sinking
skanky
skeptical
sketchy
skilled
skillful
skipped
skittish
slack
slain
slandered
slaughtered
sleazy
sleepy
slap happy
sledged
slighted
sloppy
sloshed slothful
slovenly
slow
slugged
sluggish
slutty
sly
small
smarmy
smart
smart-alecky
smart assy
smacked
smacked down
smashed
smitten
smooth
smothered
smudged
smug
snapped at snarky
snarled at
sneaky
snobbish
snobby
snoopy
snowed
snubbed
snuggled
soaring
sociable
social
socialistic
sodden
soft
soft-hearted
sold
sold-out
solemn
solid
solitary somber
soothed
sophisticated
sophomoric
sordid
sore
sorrow
sorrowful
sorry
sough
sound
sour
soured
spared
sparkling
spartan
spastic
special
speechless
spellbound
spent spewed on
spewed out
spineless
spirited
spiritless
spit on
spit out
spiteful
splendid
splendiferous
spoiled
spontaneous
spooked
sprightly
spry
spunky
squandered
squashed
squeamish
squeezed
squelched stable
stained
stale
stalked
startled
starved
static
steamed-up
stepped-on
stepped-over
stereotyped
sterile
stern
stewing
stiff
stifled
stigmatized
still
stilted
stimulated
stingy stirred
stodgy
stoic
stolid
stomped on
stoned
stonewalled
stoppable
stopped
stout
stout hearted
straight-laced
straightjacketed
strained
stranded
strange
strangled
strengthened
stressed
stretched
stricken strict
stroked
strong
strong-armed
strong-willed
struck
struck down
stubborn
stuck
stuck-up
studious
stuffed
stumped
stunned
stunning
stunted
stupefied
stupendous
stupid
stylish
suave subdued
subjugated
submissive
subordinate
subordinated
subservient
subtle
subversive
subverted
successful
sucked up to
suckered
suffering
suffocated
suicidal
sulking
sulky
sullen
sullied
sunk
sunny super
superb
supercilious
superficial
superior
superseded
superstitious
supported
supportive
suppressed
sure
surly
surpassed
surprised
surreal
surrendered
surveyed
susceptible
suspended
suspending
suspicious

swamped
sweet
swell
swindled
switched on
sycophantic
symmetrical
sympathetic
sympathy
systematic

*special thanks for Steve Hein for putting this list together.

 

Complete Impact Model

For the first time in my life I invented something. Actually, it was more of a process/model than a ‘thing’. I didn’t think it was very good; but it worked for me. I shared it with a few people, it worked for them too. Maybe it will work for you as well.

The Problem

When trying to help and lead others we often encounter resistance, challenges, and obstacles. Taking action will solve most problems. Well, what do you do when that action doesn’t get you anywhere? You know you need to change, but you don’t know what they change should be. Trial and error works, but often takes too long. One way to overcome stagnation is when you have models to follow, mentors to mimic, and processes to plan around.

Every leader has to sell. Every professional needs to sell processes, to sell results, to sell outcomes, and to sell visions. When you are in sales your ultimate goal is to help others make a decision that results in positive outcomes for all stakeholders. When you are truly trying to help others, ‘sales’ is a noble profession, even if you are not a sales professional. There are some great resources to learn how to sell well. They teach you tactics, or some of the science, or offer models for presenting and closing. They are all valuable. Then there are research based materials. The field of influence and persuasion has been studied by the greatest minds on earth. Data backed research and thousands of examples have been done to show how humans are influenced. Most of that research is focused either on the emotional state or the mental state of the people involved in the sale.

While these ideas/methods work and are useful, most of the material does not provide us with a model that does two very needed things:

  1. They Don’t Teach You How to Apply the Findings
  2. They Don’t Combine Both Mental and Emotional aspects into One Model  

Since I have been in sales my entire professional career, this bothered me. I didn’t have the time or resources to figure this out on my own, I knew other people must have figured it out. So I read. I read some more. I studied everything I could on sales and influence and found some amazing material. Yet, nothing connected it all together.

Robert Cialdini’s book “Influence”, is the greatest resource produced so far on learning the various methods for how people can be influenced.  These are Cialdini’s – 6 Principles of Influence:

(1) Reciprocity – People tend to return a favor, thus the large amounts free samples in marketing. Do something for someone, and they will often do something for you.

(2) Commitment and Consistency – If something is consistently heard or seen, it is more likely to be believed and acted upon. Also, if people commit to a goal, they are more likely to honor that commitment even if the original reward or incentive is taken away after they have already agreed.

(3) Social Proof – People will do things that they see other people do or approve of.

(4) Authority – People generally obey authority figures if they deem that authority legitimate.

(5) Liking – People are persuaded by other people that they like. If Peyton Manning or Beyonce like something, we tend like it is as well.

(6) Scarcity – Scarcity will generate demand since we think it must be valuable if it is running out.

These are valid and science backed principles. Yet, the more I studied them the more I realized something was missing. It was the emotional, or the why, or the purpose, or the main motivator. Simon Sinek’s content was imperative in understanding the need for this.

“People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.” – Simon Sinek

The thing that lacked in Simon’s work was a specific model or pattern that can be applied to personal and professional situations.  I needed a way to apply Sinek’s and Cialdini’s great insights.

I was thinking about this problem constantly for a few months. Then one evening I took a group of 16-18 year old young men to master marketer Russell Brunson’s “garage” (gym/wrestling room/man cave) where he taught the boys some life skills as well as showed them some cool wrestling moves.  One thing he shared was Tony Robbins Six Human Needs.

Breakthrough.

Finally, I heard something that addressed the “why” in a way that can be applied to the science of influence.  Tony Robbin’s teaches that these are the 6 Humans Needs we all have:

(1) Certainty – The need for security, stability, and reliability.

(2) Variety/Uncertainty – The need for change, stimulation, and challenge.

(3) Significance -The need to feel acknowledged, recognized, and valued.

(4) Love and Connection – The need to love and to feel loved, and to feel connection with others.

(5) Growth – The need to grow, improve and develop, both in character and in spirit.

(6) Contribution – The need to give, to help others, and to make a difference.

Study those needs here.

Basically, every human has six emotional needs. We possess all of them, yet one of the needs is our own personal primary driver. Our main need, the one we thrive on, is our most dominate Human Need. Each person has one major need and that need always wins out when decisions are made and actions are taken.

My wife is driven by Certainty. I thrive on Growth. Donald Trump is motivated by Significance above all else. Serial entrepreneurs are often driven by Contribution or Uncertainty (variety).

The Model

Once I learned about these 6 Human Needs I was able to connect them to Cialdini’s 6 Methods of Influence and “curated” the Complete Impact Model (CIM) or The Robbins-Cialdini Impact Model. I wish I actually invented something so awesome, but really I just took what was already there and found a way to use it for my situation.

This model works only once you really get to know the person you are in a relationship with, selling to, leading, or working with.

The first step is to discover what their main human need is. You need to truly care enough about them to get to know them. Find out what drives them and then help them achieve what they want. The second step is once you know what they are motivated by, you can then determine what principle of influence you are going to use to help them make a positive decision.  You choose a Cialdini influence method and then apply it in an ethical fashion.

In order to apply the Complete Impact Model (CIM), first you determine which of the Robbin’s Human Needs are most relevant for the person you are leading and then combine that Human Need with a Cialdini Influence Principle. You now have a better way to help lead, inspire, and motivate others.

The Results (Example & Application)

I was a manager for 7 direct reports. The top executives decided to change the customer success model where how we handled the daily client interactions would be drastically changed. The current process seemed to work well, so we felt getting buy-in might be hard.

Of the 7 reports: 2 were driven by certainty, 3 by contribution, and 2 by growth. In order to make the impact model work I decided to use the same influence method of consistency and commitment while personalizing it by using their main human need as the foundation. The goal was to influence through consistency, since the more we hear something, the more we believe it. But, what each person needed to “hear” was different because each of the human needs were different.

When implementing the model, I took 3 specific actions:

  1. Since I had a few weeks of lead time I decided to purchase each of the reports a book that connected with their main driver. Each were provided with self-help business book where I felt they would resonate with the “findings”. Instead of trying to teach them something new, I focused on their strengths, on what already connects with them. Inside the cover of the book I reminded them how important following the right processes is to sustained customer satisfaction and how the unique skills/outlook they have (Certainty, Contribution, Growth) will impact the success and then be sustained over time.
  2. Then I sent a follow-up email reminding them how I am thankful for the skills they bring to the team and highlight their main driver and why it helps, and how it will help as we continue to change and innovate to help our customers. For the people who thrive on contribution I connected the end results with their ability to contribute to the team. For the ones who need certainty I was able to help them understand that as we change and adapt the certainty we attain is found in not losing the client. Each human need was emphasized and the value drawn out.
  3. The third “consistent” message was done in-person as I created one-on-one time with them and reiterated everything I told them in the book message and previous email.

The results were impressive. Finally, when the time came to formally introduce the changes, we were able to share the ideas and I was able to connect with each report on a deeper level. While many people in the company did not like the changes, those 7 were 100% on board because they were able to connect emotionally and mentally to the vision and to the process in which the vision was presented.

Bringing it All Together

Leadership is about helping others see the solution and the process and then giving them the tools and confidence to achieve the vision. You need to sell yourself, and then you need to sell others. Sales is about helping people. In all cases you need to be able to influence others on an emotional and mental level. Not manipulation, but pure motivation.

Sometimes we need models and processes to follow. One process that might help is the Complete Impact Model. The essential key is to learn and understand Tony’s Robbins’s 6 Human Needs and combine that foundation with Robert Cialdini’s 6 Influence Principles in order to create an actionable plan that will help you help others. Happy Selling.

Mareo McCracken

Use Patience to Overcome Negative Bosses

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We were in Alabama, I think. Maybe it was Arkansas, back then everyplace blended together, all hotel ballrooms end up looking the same. We travelled to a new city at least weekly. Besides the ballrooms being the same, the words were the same as well:

“You are just not good enough.”

“It is your fault sales are low.”

“Sales are down because the economy crashed.”

“Corporate always makes bad moves and tries to screw the field”

“The customers are idiots.”

These were the constant phrases spoken by our sales boss. This relentless negativity demoralized the entire team, hurt our performance, and even had me starting to believe these false realities.

We all have to deal with negative people. Sometimes they like to call themselves “realists”. In actuality there are only two types of people: those who focus on the “can” and those who focus on the “can’t”. Maybe you can see both, but you can’t focus on both. No one can. Our mind reverts to processing what is easiest. It is easier to accept failure than strive for greatness. The good news is that what we focus on is not permanent, it can be changed, we can change it.

PATIENCE

Emotions are transferable. We feel what those around us are feeling. When other people are negative it can affect us. The opposite is also true, when we are positive, our attitude can help other people. The best way to overcome negativity is through patience. When coupled with proper action patience is actually the secret to solving many problems. Patience with empathy solves most relationships. Patience with hard work creates success.

Patience is what wins over negativity. Patience is what drives success. Patience is what makes hard-work work. Most people are not patient enough to win. It takes effort and focus to overcome your obstacles. In the same way, most people are not patient enough to overcome those who are negative. It takes effort and lots of brain-gymnastics to be patient when surrounded by negativity.  The more we develop our emotional awareness, the better we become at overcoming negativity in the workplace.

Back in Arizona – (or was it Alaska?) – after one especially successful week of positive sales and professional growth, our manager came in and said:

“just make sure they don’t all cancel”.

Our spirits immediately flattened.

All the good we had strived for was erased with those 7 words.

We had enough.

As a team we decided that it was time to take action.

So we – “the underlings” – realized that while we can’t change the boss, we can change ourselves. So we did.

We applied the principles of patience to everything we did and found that by consistently doing these 4 things our team’s situation dramatically improved:

  1. Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts.  Your mind is powerful. You can completely focus on one thing at a time. If you notice a negative thought, replace it with something positive. Think of a recent win. Think about your greatest memory from your childhood. Be patient with yourself and with others when focusing on replacing your thoughts. It takes time to master this skill. We define our own personal existence. Our thoughts and feelings define our life experiences.
  2. Share positive stories. Stories open the mind and heart. Stories allow us to place ourselves in the shoes of other people. Stories help us develop empathy. By sharing positive stories, we can create a community while erasing doubt and uncertainty. Communicate positive stories frequently. Share stories. Share more stories. Be consistently patient for them to start working in increasing the positivity of those around you.
  3. Respect the opinions of others.  Treat everyone you meet with respect. We are all humans and are all valuable. Show appreciation and respect the value of other people. Be honest but not rude. Ask for opinions even when they are not offered. When people feel valued they are live up to their potential. Be patient with people who have different opinions than yourself.
  4. Publicize everyone’s individual contributions, especially those who seem to have it all. Every needs validation, some people pretend they don’t, but they do. When each of us matter, we all become stronger. Help others by focusing on them, be patient in knowing your time will come, but now it is more important to help others first. By patiently helping others you’re also helping yourself.

DECIDE

Working with negative people is hard. Deciding what that negativity does to you is easy. Decide to not let it bother you. Decide to take positive action. Decide to be patient. With patience and positive action, you can correct almost any negative situation. Patience is a sign of emotional intelligence.

You are strong enough to decide who you are and what you think. Decide to overcome negativity by choosing your own meaning to every situation. Look for the good, look for the “can.” Decide to be better. Decide to help others.

What The Best Leaders Do That Other’s Won’t

 

“Before you are a leader, success is all about growing yourself. When you become a leader, success is all about growing others.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

We were on the 5th floor of our downtown corporate headquarters.  It was our weekly sales meeting with bunch a uber-successful sales executives for our company. Our leader had been with the company since it was founded almost 30 years before. He was a legend. Young leaders can learn from experienced leaders on how to help others. This is what I learned:

Every week we had our “sales team call”. This call was to discuss opportunities, track progress and most importantly come up with solutions and make decisions. At least that is what I thought. Really it was the way our leader helped us overcome our challenges. Our leader would post a question to make it seem like he had a certain problem, or we as a team had that problem. In reality, he was addressing a specific personal issue one of us was facing. He knew what each of our strengths and weaknesses were and used these meetings to help us overcome our personal obstacles. He then would ask each of us for our own solutions and ideas. Everyone got to voice their opinion. Everyone felt heard. Our leader knew where he was going with the questioning and what would help us the most. The leader would pick and choose which answers made the most sense according to his years of experience and then he then would help us feel like we came up with the solution on our own. Then he would give us the confidence we needed and send us on our way. He lead us in the right direction. As a team we overcame challenges together. Our boss guided us and gave us the tools we needed. He was a true leader.

Good leaders have vision. Great leaders inspire. The BEST leaders have vision, inspire and help others overcome obstacles to accomplish the vision.

The “Best Leaders” do some things consistently:

  1. They Coach
  2. They Inspire Action
  3. They Provide Feedback
  4. They Show Extreme Patience
  5. They Are Never Jealous
  6. They Embrace Change
  7. They Show Gratitude
  8. They Are Open Minded
  9. They Help Others Develop Talents
  10. They Stand Up for Others

In order to build up these abilities it takes thoughtful practice. It takes being self-aware and exercising deliberate practice. A way to speed up self-awareness is by studying others and then comparing your actions to those who are already successful. You can do this by reading biographies and journaling.

First, read the biographies of people who have overcome great challenges. Then connect the the times they overcame the obstacles to the traits they were exhibiting. Next, journal your thoughts. Take a self-assessment of your current mindset. Dive deep and become more self-aware by writing down what you think and plan ahead for what you need to do to become better.

Self-awareness and gaining knowledge only becomes valuable when action is taken. Take action. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from others. Think. Ponder. Reflect. Focus on helping others take action. Use your vision to help others overcome their problems. Even the biggest walls can be torn down with enough help. Help others overcome the walls that are blocking their success. The more you help others succeed, the more you will succeed. Leaders are created. You become a better leader by helping others.

Outward Mindset

mess up

I have messed up a lot of situations. Usually I blamed others. Most of the time it was my fault.

My oldest son turns 5 tomorrow. Like any father, I think he is an all-star. I love him more than anything. I blame him too often for random acts of annoyance. I take him for granted. I mess up. When I think about him instead of myself though, I stop messing up. That is how it usually is with most relationships.

In my first post-college sales role I knew I was right. I felt my boss was wrong. She wasn’t my real boss. She was just filling in for a week while the official sales manager was out of town. She was good at what she did. I “thought” I was good too. We just had different styles to get the same results. We were helping small business owners create a better online presence. My method took a bit longer to help the buyer make a decision, I felt I was more consultative. She wanted me to work faster. I thought I was helping better by doing it my way. She wanted me to help more people. She was right. I was right. It didn’t matter. We needed to move beyond right wrong.

Your mindset is the foundation of all you do. All actions were first thoughts. Your experiences and their meaning are determined by your mindset. Often people treat us how we expect to be treated. Not all the time, but our inner-view comes out and is manifested in our physical lives.

When it comes to learning and development Carol Dweck teaches that there are two main ways to view the world: with a “fixed” or a “growth” frame of mind. Everything we do is predicated on how we view our ability to adapt. Relationships are the same. We can either grow or allow the relationship to become stale, to stagnate. Stagnation leads to sickness, disease, death etc…

My mindset adjusted the first time after reading Leadership and Self-Deceptionwhen my friend and advisor Dan Mower gave it to me. Then I learned it again when I read the Anatomy of Peace. This week I relearned all those lessons and really gained a deeper appreciation for how to apply them by reading the latest book byThe Arbinger Institute: The Outward Mindset. The book comes out June 13th – I was fortunate to get an early copy! (Thanks James Ferrell) This is probably the most important “business” book I have read. Ever. This book helps us develop as leaders by looking beyond ourselves and focusing on helping others and the team as a way to overcome our own limitations.

When it comes to relationships, leadership, and team performance The Arbinger Institute has developed a framework that simplifies all of our human interactions and then helps us overcome our personal shortcomings. The Arbinger Institute helps people move beyond right and wrong. Moving past who is right vs. who is wrong might be the hardest interpersonal skill anyone can develop. It takes practice, effort, and commitment. It takes the ability to change your mindset.

In Arbinger’s powerful new book: The Outward Mindset, we are taught that there are two specific mindsets, how they impact performance and relationships, and what we can do to change. The ability to understand yourself and understand others is directly related to emotional intelligence. This framework goes much deeper than just being people smart. It works on motivation, outlook, and the ability to adjust personal perspective to help others and in the end make everyone, including yourself, a winner.

The Arbinger Institute’s two “mindsets”:

The Inward Mindset

Thinking only of yourself. Seeing others as objects. When you have an inward mindset you are focused only on your objectives. Most of the time, because you are so focused on yourself, you have no idea where you are… this includes your own mindset. Most people in the inward mindset have no idea that they are there. People with an inward mindset think other people are the problem and cannot even consider the idea that they might be the cause of their own problems.

The Outward Mindset

With an outward mindset the individuals focus on the goals and objectives of the team. They see others as human rather than objects. People with an outward mindset love to help and never blame others. They see every situation as a reason to grow and learn and do what it takes to make those around them better. They focus on empathy for the team and for the individual. People with an outward mindset “see others”. They have empathy and focus on collective goals over personal objectives.

In order to change your personal mindset and your team’s mindset there is a pattern to follow:

  1. Start with your mindset. Find out where you are and where you want to go.
  2. Change first, do not expect others to change.
  3. Allow yourself to change. Give yourself permission.
  4. Take responsibility for the outcomes.
  5. Work on erasing distractions.
  6. Develop systems for you and your team that help turn mindsets outward.

The problem with changing from an inward mindset to an outward mindset is actually realizing that you are wrong in the first place. Admitting that you are focused on yourself is either hard to do or if we do see it, we find ways to justify it. We can explain away most of our behaviors. This leads to more denial and avoidance. No results.

While there is no exact way to do this, asking questions that put the blame inward helps us focus on the outward. Having questions to go along with the pattern creates a good template.

We can reflect and should ask ourselves:

  • How am I creating this problem?
  • What can I do differently?
  • What did I do wrong?
  • How can I help?
  • What does the other person need?

Once we stop blaming others for our situation we can find true progress.The change has to come from within by looking out. We must adjust our focus and then our vision can become clear.

Life is about our experiences and relationships. Developing and outward mindset helps us increase the quality of both. As we develop an outward mindset all of our relationships will improve. We will be happier. We will all find more success. It worked for me. Even though I need to strive for this everyday, I know working toward adjusting my mindset dramatically improves everything important in my life.

Your Turn: What advice can you give to help us change our focus from inward to outward? Please share your experiences and expertise. 

The 6 Keys to Overcoming Any Obstacle

Problems and mistakes do not define you. They only allow yourself to write your story. Your actions are your story. Your “personal definition” is the summary of your actions.

Why do challenges and struggles make some people stronger and make others weaker? How is it that some teams/people come back from devastating defeats while others simply give-up? What are the keys that unlock potential?

These are the questions that former Navy SEAL Dennis McCormack and co-authors George Everly Jr., and Douglas Strouse, examine in their book ‘Stronger: Develop the Resilience You Need to Succeed‘. Resilience is an individual’s ability to properly adapt to adversity and stress. Adversity could be viewed as simply as any-time something does not go as planned or as complex as when there is someone actively trying to prevent you from accomplishing your goals.

People who display resilience are able to overcome setbacks and accomplish greatness. The authors state that the five characteristics needed to develop resilience are:

  1. Active Optimism. It is not just a belief, or idealistic view, but rather the ability to see the desired outcome that then creates positive action.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” – Winston S. Churchill

  1. Decisive Action. Once the optimism is in place, you must be decisive and act in order to recover from setbacks. You can and must gain the courage to make difficult decisions.

“…the cure for most obstacles is, Be decisive.” – George Weinberg

  1. Moral Compass. We must let integrity, honor, ethical actions, and fidelity guide our decisions under demanding circumstances.

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” – Marcus Aurelius

  1. Relentless Tenacity: Determination. It is bring determined to finish and persistent enough to carry out your desires.

“Most people give up just when they’re about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touchdown.” – H. Ross Perot

  1. Interpersonal Support. It is important to know who is on your team and how they support you.

“Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much.” – Helen Keller

As achievers and dreamers, we have goals. How do we reach them? How do we achieve our objectives? Some people have begun to call resilience by another word, they call it grit. One of the pioneers in this field of study is Angela Duckworth. Through her research Dr. Duckworth has found that grit is the quality that enables individuals to work hard and stick to their long-term passions and goals amidst obstacles.

In one of my favorite books, Mindset, by Carol Dweck, the author teaches:

“…no matter what your ability is, effort is what ignites that ability and turns it into accomplishment.”

These Secrets are the 6 Keys to Developing Personal Resilience (Grit)

  1. Always Take Action – inertia is powerful. The more time is wasted, the weaker our resolve becomes. Fortune favors the bold. Doing is always best.
  2. Always Release Stress/Tension – find a way to unwind and express emotions: draw, journal, meditate, speak to a personal friend, exercise, create art, write letters to others….
  3. Always Be Learning – learn from mistakes, learn from success, learn from others (watch, observe, ask questions, read)
  4. Always Stay Connected – people who are resilient have other people they rely on. Be that friend for others. Make emotional deposits into your friendship bank for a time when you might be low.
  5. Always Adapt – be flexible. Our expectations often dictate our emotional response, expect change and adapt to the current reality.
  6. Always Follow Your Why – know and understand your purpose, your true motivation. When the storms of life are raging, your “why”, your purpose becomes the safe haven, the place you can always retreat to, regroup, and then start again. Follow your own desires, not those of others.

We will always be facing obstacles. The ability to overcome these challenges is what leads to success. Resilience is the strength to overcome setbacks and press forward with a singular focus and dedicated purpose. In order to achieve your own personal greatness – make sure to work hard, feel your emotions, learn, help others, adjust, and stay grounded with your values.

Define The Relationship – Yes, it is all your fault.

Vulnerability is Power (2)

 

 

 

 

 

If you own something mentally, no one can ever take it from you. Own your mistakes. Own your failures. Own your wins. Own your relationships. Make them yours. Our true success is determined by our relationships and experiences. Relationships are either growing or dying. Make sure yours are growing.

We are what we think about. We manifest our innermost thoughts by the actions we take. Our professional and personal relationships are also a direct reflection of our thoughts regarding the relationship. If a relationship is in a bad state, trying to determine who is at fault is your first mistake. My wife taught me that one. It doesn’t matter whose fault it is, that is just wasting time. Your actions determine your outcomes.

When we understand ourselves, we can begin to understand others. Justin Bariso helps us understand the value of emotional intelligence when making decisions regarding relationships:

“Emotional intelligence involves the ability to recognize and understand your emotions, and to use that information to guide decision making.”

Key Account Performance trainer and coach Jermaine Edwards teaches:

“Your ability to become a master relationship builder is critical…This is not just about adapting to behavioral styles it’s about understanding people.”

When you work toward making sure the other person’s needs and desires are being met, you can truly begin to understand the person and the situation. This is emotional intelligence in action, or emotional competence. Knowing when the problem is too big to surpass is part of emotional intelligence. Then acting on that knowledge is what helps us separate bad relationships from good. This is emotional competence. Knowing when to keep pushing takes emotional intelligence. If the relationship is worth fighting for, don’t give up. Keep working, keep helping the other person “win”. When a leader creates winners, everybody becomes a winner. Strong relationships produce winners.

When you have problems in a relationship it is probably because You:

  1. Talked too much…
  2. Didn’t listen (because you were talking, or wanting to talk)…
  3. Thought your needs were more important than the other person’s needs…
  4. Forgot the purpose of the relationship…
  5. Stopped nurturing the relationship…
  6. Made yourself the “hero” instead of them…

You have done those things. I have done those things. We need to stop doing those things. Once you put the needs of the other person, team, company etc. at the front of your concern, your entire perspective changes. You will sell more. You will have more fun. Your spouse will like you more. You will have better relationships.

Andrew Sobel’s book, Power Relationships is a game changer. He teaches that there are 26 laws for building solid relationships and that that when building “deep personal relationships” their are 4 rules that specifically apply:

  1. Vulnerability is Power (law #16)
  2. Enthusiasm is Contagious (law #24)
  3. Change the Environment and You’ll Deepen the Relationship (law #12)
  4. There’s always something, no matter how small, that you can do to help the people around you. (law #14)

These timeless “laws” help us understand how our own actions have enormous influence on the the relationships we are trying to build.

4 More Ways to Build Great Relationships:

Collaborate & Communicate (not to share your ideas, but to learn and understand THEIRS)

“Nobody succeeds for long in a silo. Whatever our ventures…we can’t forget all the people who are involved in and essential to our success…Those who succeed learn from their mistakes and from the people around them…The most successful collaborators understand how to communicate respectfully and accurately.” – Faisal Hoque

Care (if you care, they KNOW, they can FEEL it)

“It only takes a second to make another person feel valued, yet the effect can last a lifetime.” – Jeff Haden

Continue Pressing Forward (no solid relationship was BUILT by a quitter)

“Mental toughness: it is believing I would prevail in my circumstances rather than believing my circumstances would change.” – LaRae Quy

Contribute (provide VALUE)

“If you help others get what they want, they will help you get what you want.” – Lolly Daskal

Putting it all together: The more we help other people, the stronger our relationships become. The strength of our relationships are is directly proportional to the amount of influence we have. As we increase our ability to build relationships through emotional intelligence our personal desire to help others naturally increases. As the influential Josh Steimle says:

“Building great relationships takes time and work and presence.” 

We must put in the effort. It will be hard, and it will take time. Yet, the results will come. The more people we help, the better relationships we have and the more successful we become.

7 Questions to Ask Yourself Every Morning

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What is the best way to get what you want? Ask for it.

And if you want to get better — at anything — ask yourself to be better. Here are some great ways to do just that. Ask yourself:

1. “Do I show enough gratitude?”

Gratitude is the key to unlocking happiness. Happiness helps drive performance, fulfillment, and success. Are you writing down ten things you are grateful for everyday?

Do you show people how much you care?

2. “What does my ‘gut’ tell me?”

You you know that gut feeling you have? Trust it. Trust your intuition. Then question the reason you have that gut feeling. You will learn tons about yourself. You have had immense experience and your subconscious processes it all.

Your “gut” is a driving force curating your emotions, knowledge, and experiences. Use it and learn from it.

3. “Why do I do what I do?”

Why are you doing what you are doing right now? What makes you want to do it? How does what you are doing help you realize your ultimate goals? Do your actions help others? What can I learn?

Focus on learning. Focus on experiences. The more experiences you have to learn from, the stronger your ability to help others becomes.

4. “Is this the best I can do?”

Ask yourself: Am I doing my best? Can I do more?

If you can’t, awesome, keep going. If you can… get better. Do more. Try harder. Work smarter. Ask others to help you do better.

Master your skill. Master your craft.

5. “Am I using my mentor or coach effectively?”

Mentors and coaches are not always the same person, even though they can be. You might need both, but always have at least one.

Help them help you by actually listening and applying what they teach you. Ask them deeper questions. Ask them to help you stretch yourself. Ask them, “Why?”

6. “Do I love myself?”

This question is hard to answer.

Answer it anyway.

Check your self talk. Am I negative about my actions or thoughts? Do I give others more credit than I give myself? Do I treat my mental and physical self with respect? Am I truly loving myself?

When you love yourself, you can better love other people.

7. “Am I helping enough people?”

At the end of our lives our relationships are the things that matter. The people who we have helped, and who have helped us, build our lives. The more we help others the more fulfillment and satisfaction we will feel.

While success as a destination is hard to find, success as a journey can be experienced every day.

Help more. Make your journey better and bring others with you.

The bottom line: Questions help us think more deeply. They help us understand where we are, find the gaps, fill the gaps, and increase our performance. As we question ourselves we can get stronger because we better understand our motivations… and by taking positive action, we can get a tiny bit stronger everyday.

Mareo McCracken

Originally Published on Inc.com

 

You Are Destroying Trust (and What You Can Do About It)

“Earn trust, earn trust, earn trust. Then you can worry about the rest.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is how you are ruining trust in your (business) relationships:

  • You lie.
  • You hide information.
  • You stop producing for the team.
  • You think you know more than everyone else.

Don’t do these things. No one is perfect, but we sure can try. Instead of focusing on the negatives, focus on what you do well, what others do well, and magnify those talents. Every interaction we have with others either builds or destroys trust. Focus on building!

5 Effective Ways to Build Trust in the Workplace:

DO WHAT IS RIGHT – Easy. Just don’t be a jerk. Don’t hurt other people. Don’t lie. Don’t play politics. Help others. Be nice. Work hard. Think positive. In every situation just make sure you do what is honorable and helpful.

ACT WITH INTEGRITY – You show integrity through honest actions and words. Honesty is the root of trust in all relationships. Integrity must start from the top and then move down. Being honest means telling the truth, keeping promises no matter the consequences. If its people have integrity, the relationship is healthy. If relationships are healthy, then business is healthy.

HAVE SHARED GOALS – Teamwork only happens when the goals are shared. To create trust, employees/colleagues must feel like everyone is working together to carry out a shared dream, a shared vision, instead of a series of personal agendas. The best teams know the goal, believe the goal, and work toward it together.

ALWAYS COMMUNICATE – Communication is the vehicle for information and truth. We must communicate our values and vision first, and then we can communicate our organization’s vision next. By opening channels of communication, we can all stop trying to do the impossible task of reading minds.

CREATE PARTNERSHIPS – You build trust when people work together. We need to value each person. Trusted partners know that the work they do is important and that the work their partner will do is quality. AS partner has the same goals and dreams. A partner wants you to succeed.  This means the leaders need to spend more time with the team. Then leaders need to give and receive feedback.

If you are a leader you need to build trust.

Stephen M.R. Covey, Author of The Speed of Trust teaches that these are the 13 behaviors of high trust leaders across the globe, they:

  1. Talk Straight
  2. Demonstrate Respect
  3. Create Transparency
  4. Right Wrongs
  5. Show Loyalty
  6. Deliver Results
  7. Get Better
  8. Confront Reality
  9. Clarify Expectation
  10. Practice Accountability
  11. Listen First
  12. Keep Commitments
  13. Extend Trust

Mr. Covey says: “Remember that the 13 Behaviors always need to be balanced by each other (e.g., Talk Straight needs to be balanced by Demonstrate Respect) and that any behavior pushed to the extreme can become a weakness.” 

The foundation of all worthwhile relationships is trust. Trust is about risk. It is about emotional intelligence and it means giving control to others. The more trust we develop trust, the more success that we will find. Joel Peterson (JetBlue / Standford / Investor) wrote a new book (just finished it!) that outlines what trust is, how to develop it, and how to repair it. His book teaches these 10 Laws of Trust:

  1. Start With Personal Integrity
  2. Invest in Respect
  3. Empower Others
  4. Measure What You Want to Achieve
  5. Create a Common Dream
  6. Keep Everyone Informed
  7. Embrace Respectful Conflict
  8. Show Humility
  9. Strive for Win-Win Negotiations
  10. Proceed with Care

“…the absence of trust is betrayal…” – Joel Peterson

As we show our integrity and performance, we will build trust. Building trust is about people, competence, honor, and performance. Work hard to make sure the people you work with can rely on you. Once they know that you care and are trustworthy, everything else becomes easier.