Complete Impact Model

For the first time in my life I invented something. Actually, it was more of a process/model than a ‘thing’. I didn’t think it was very good; but it worked for me. I shared it with a few people, it worked for them too. Maybe it will work for you as well.

The Problem

When trying to help and lead others we often encounter resistance, challenges, and obstacles. Taking action will solve most problems. Well, what do you do when that action doesn’t get you anywhere? You know you need to change, but you don’t know what they change should be. Trial and error works, but often takes too long. One way to overcome stagnation is when you have models to follow, mentors to mimic, and processes to plan around.

Every leader has to sell. Every professional needs to sell processes, to sell results, to sell outcomes, and to sell visions. When you are in sales your ultimate goal is to help others make a decision that results in positive outcomes for all stakeholders. When you are truly trying to help others, ‘sales’ is a noble profession, even if you are not a sales professional. There are some great resources to learn how to sell well. They teach you tactics, or some of the science, or offer models for presenting and closing. They are all valuable. Then there are research based materials. The field of influence and persuasion has been studied by the greatest minds on earth. Data backed research and thousands of examples have been done to show how humans are influenced. Most of that research is focused either on the emotional state or the mental state of the people involved in the sale.

While these ideas/methods work and are useful, most of the material does not provide us with a model that does two very needed things:

  1. They Don’t Teach You How to Apply the Findings
  2. They Don’t Combine Both Mental and Emotional aspects into One Model  

Since I have been in sales my entire professional career, this bothered me. I didn’t have the time or resources to figure this out on my own, I knew other people must have figured it out. So I read. I read some more. I studied everything I could on sales and influence and found some amazing material. Yet, nothing connected it all together.

Robert Cialdini’s book “Influence”, is the greatest resource produced so far on learning the various methods for how people can be influenced.  These are Cialdini’s – 6 Principles of Influence:

(1) Reciprocity – People tend to return a favor, thus the large amounts free samples in marketing. Do something for someone, and they will often do something for you.

(2) Commitment and Consistency – If something is consistently heard or seen, it is more likely to be believed and acted upon. Also, if people commit to a goal, they are more likely to honor that commitment even if the original reward or incentive is taken away after they have already agreed.

(3) Social Proof – People will do things that they see other people do or approve of.

(4) Authority – People generally obey authority figures if they deem that authority legitimate.

(5) Liking – People are persuaded by other people that they like. If Peyton Manning or Beyonce like something, we tend like it is as well.

(6) Scarcity – Scarcity will generate demand since we think it must be valuable if it is running out.

These are valid and science backed principles. Yet, the more I studied them the more I realized something was missing. It was the emotional, or the why, or the purpose, or the main motivator. Simon Sinek’s content was imperative in understanding the need for this.

“People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.” – Simon Sinek

The thing that lacked in Simon’s work was a specific model or pattern that can be applied to personal and professional situations.  I needed a way to apply Sinek’s and Cialdini’s great insights.

I was thinking about this problem constantly for a few months. Then one evening I took a group of 16-18 year old young men to master marketer Russell Brunson’s “garage” (gym/wrestling room/man cave) where he taught the boys some life skills as well as showed them some cool wrestling moves.  One thing he shared was Tony Robbins Six Human Needs.

Breakthrough.

Finally, I heard something that addressed the “why” in a way that can be applied to the science of influence.  Tony Robbin’s teaches that these are the 6 Humans Needs we all have:

(1) Certainty – The need for security, stability, and reliability.

(2) Variety/Uncertainty – The need for change, stimulation, and challenge.

(3) Significance -The need to feel acknowledged, recognized, and valued.

(4) Love and Connection – The need to love and to feel loved, and to feel connection with others.

(5) Growth – The need to grow, improve and develop, both in character and in spirit.

(6) Contribution – The need to give, to help others, and to make a difference.

Study those needs here.

Basically, every human has six emotional needs. We possess all of them, yet one of the needs is our own personal primary driver. Our main need, the one we thrive on, is our most dominate Human Need. Each person has one major need and that need always wins out when decisions are made and actions are taken.

My wife is driven by Certainty. I thrive on Growth. Donald Trump is motivated by Significance above all else. Serial entrepreneurs are often driven by Contribution or Uncertainty (variety).

The Model

Once I learned about these 6 Human Needs I was able to connect them to Cialdini’s 6 Methods of Influence and “curated” the Complete Impact Model (CIM) or The Robbins-Cialdini Impact Model. I wish I actually invented something so awesome, but really I just took what was already there and found a way to use it for my situation.

This model works only once you really get to know the person you are in a relationship with, selling to, leading, or working with.

The first step is to discover what their main human need is. You need to truly care enough about them to get to know them. Find out what drives them and then help them achieve what they want. The second step is once you know what they are motivated by, you can then determine what principle of influence you are going to use to help them make a positive decision.  You choose a Cialdini influence method and then apply it in an ethical fashion.

In order to apply the Complete Impact Model (CIM), first you determine which of the Robbin’s Human Needs are most relevant for the person you are leading and then combine that Human Need with a Cialdini Influence Principle. You now have a better way to help lead, inspire, and motivate others.

The Results (Example & Application)

I was a manager for 7 direct reports. The top executives decided to change the customer success model where how we handled the daily client interactions would be drastically changed. The current process seemed to work well, so we felt getting buy-in might be hard.

Of the 7 reports: 2 were driven by certainty, 3 by contribution, and 2 by growth. In order to make the impact model work I decided to use the same influence method of consistency and commitment while personalizing it by using their main human need as the foundation. The goal was to influence through consistency, since the more we hear something, the more we believe it. But, what each person needed to “hear” was different because each of the human needs were different.

When implementing the model, I took 3 specific actions:

  1. Since I had a few weeks of lead time I decided to purchase each of the reports a book that connected with their main driver. Each were provided with self-help business book where I felt they would resonate with the “findings”. Instead of trying to teach them something new, I focused on their strengths, on what already connects with them. Inside the cover of the book I reminded them how important following the right processes is to sustained customer satisfaction and how the unique skills/outlook they have (Certainty, Contribution, Growth) will impact the success and then be sustained over time.
  2. Then I sent a follow-up email reminding them how I am thankful for the skills they bring to the team and highlight their main driver and why it helps, and how it will help as we continue to change and innovate to help our customers. For the people who thrive on contribution I connected the end results with their ability to contribute to the team. For the ones who need certainty I was able to help them understand that as we change and adapt the certainty we attain is found in not losing the client. Each human need was emphasized and the value drawn out.
  3. The third “consistent” message was done in-person as I created one-on-one time with them and reiterated everything I told them in the book message and previous email.

The results were impressive. Finally, when the time came to formally introduce the changes, we were able to share the ideas and I was able to connect with each report on a deeper level. While many people in the company did not like the changes, those 7 were 100% on board because they were able to connect emotionally and mentally to the vision and to the process in which the vision was presented.

Bringing it All Together

Leadership is about helping others see the solution and the process and then giving them the tools and confidence to achieve the vision. You need to sell yourself, and then you need to sell others. Sales is about helping people. In all cases you need to be able to influence others on an emotional and mental level. Not manipulation, but pure motivation.

Sometimes we need models and processes to follow. One process that might help is the Complete Impact Model. The essential key is to learn and understand Tony’s Robbins’s 6 Human Needs and combine that foundation with Robert Cialdini’s 6 Influence Principles in order to create an actionable plan that will help you help others. Happy Selling.

Mareo McCracken

Use Patience to Overcome Negative Bosses

rooster

 

 

 

 

 

 

We were in Alabama, I think. Maybe it was Arkansas, back then everyplace blended together, all hotel ballrooms end up looking the same. We travelled to a new city at least weekly. Besides the ballrooms being the same, the words were the same as well:

“You are just not good enough.”

“It is your fault sales are low.”

“Sales are down because the economy crashed.”

“Corporate always makes bad moves and tries to screw the field”

“The customers are idiots.”

These were the constant phrases spoken by our sales boss. This relentless negativity demoralized the entire team, hurt our performance, and even had me starting to believe these false realities.

We all have to deal with negative people. Sometimes they like to call themselves “realists”. In actuality there are only two types of people: those who focus on the “can” and those who focus on the “can’t”. Maybe you can see both, but you can’t focus on both. No one can. Our mind reverts to processing what is easiest. It is easier to accept failure than strive for greatness. The good news is that what we focus on is not permanent, it can be changed, we can change it.

PATIENCE

Emotions are transferable. We feel what those around us are feeling. When other people are negative it can affect us. The opposite is also true, when we are positive, our attitude can help other people. The best way to overcome negativity is through patience. When coupled with proper action patience is actually the secret to solving many problems. Patience with empathy solves most relationships. Patience with hard work creates success.

Patience is what wins over negativity. Patience is what drives success. Patience is what makes hard-work work. Most people are not patient enough to win. It takes effort and focus to overcome your obstacles. In the same way, most people are not patient enough to overcome those who are negative. It takes effort and lots of brain-gymnastics to be patient when surrounded by negativity.  The more we develop our emotional awareness, the better we become at overcoming negativity in the workplace.

Back in Arizona – (or was it Alaska?) – after one especially successful week of positive sales and professional growth, our manager came in and said:

“just make sure they don’t all cancel”.

Our spirits immediately flattened.

All the good we had strived for was erased with those 7 words.

We had enough.

As a team we decided that it was time to take action.

So we – “the underlings” – realized that while we can’t change the boss, we can change ourselves. So we did.

We applied the principles of patience to everything we did and found that by consistently doing these 4 things our team’s situation dramatically improved:

  1. Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts.  Your mind is powerful. You can completely focus on one thing at a time. If you notice a negative thought, replace it with something positive. Think of a recent win. Think about your greatest memory from your childhood. Be patient with yourself and with others when focusing on replacing your thoughts. It takes time to master this skill. We define our own personal existence. Our thoughts and feelings define our life experiences.
  2. Share positive stories. Stories open the mind and heart. Stories allow us to place ourselves in the shoes of other people. Stories help us develop empathy. By sharing positive stories, we can create a community while erasing doubt and uncertainty. Communicate positive stories frequently. Share stories. Share more stories. Be consistently patient for them to start working in increasing the positivity of those around you.
  3. Respect the opinions of others.  Treat everyone you meet with respect. We are all humans and are all valuable. Show appreciation and respect the value of other people. Be honest but not rude. Ask for opinions even when they are not offered. When people feel valued they are live up to their potential. Be patient with people who have different opinions than yourself.
  4. Publicize everyone’s individual contributions, especially those who seem to have it all. Every needs validation, some people pretend they don’t, but they do. When each of us matter, we all become stronger. Help others by focusing on them, be patient in knowing your time will come, but now it is more important to help others first. By patiently helping others you’re also helping yourself.

DECIDE

Working with negative people is hard. Deciding what that negativity does to you is easy. Decide to not let it bother you. Decide to take positive action. Decide to be patient. With patience and positive action, you can correct almost any negative situation. Patience is a sign of emotional intelligence.

You are strong enough to decide who you are and what you think. Decide to overcome negativity by choosing your own meaning to every situation. Look for the good, look for the “can.” Decide to be better. Decide to help others.

What The Best Leaders Do That Other’s Won’t

 

“Before you are a leader, success is all about growing yourself. When you become a leader, success is all about growing others.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

We were on the 5th floor of our downtown corporate headquarters.  It was our weekly sales meeting with bunch a uber-successful sales executives for our company. Our leader had been with the company since it was founded almost 30 years before. He was a legend. Young leaders can learn from experienced leaders on how to help others. This is what I learned:

Every week we had our “sales team call”. This call was to discuss opportunities, track progress and most importantly come up with solutions and make decisions. At least that is what I thought. Really it was the way our leader helped us overcome our challenges. Our leader would post a question to make it seem like he had a certain problem, or we as a team had that problem. In reality, he was addressing a specific personal issue one of us was facing. He knew what each of our strengths and weaknesses were and used these meetings to help us overcome our personal obstacles. He then would ask each of us for our own solutions and ideas. Everyone got to voice their opinion. Everyone felt heard. Our leader knew where he was going with the questioning and what would help us the most. The leader would pick and choose which answers made the most sense according to his years of experience and then he then would help us feel like we came up with the solution on our own. Then he would give us the confidence we needed and send us on our way. He lead us in the right direction. As a team we overcame challenges together. Our boss guided us and gave us the tools we needed. He was a true leader.

Good leaders have vision. Great leaders inspire. The BEST leaders have vision, inspire and help others overcome obstacles to accomplish the vision.

The “Best Leaders” do some things consistently:

  1. They Coach
  2. They Inspire Action
  3. They Provide Feedback
  4. They Show Extreme Patience
  5. They Are Never Jealous
  6. They Embrace Change
  7. They Show Gratitude
  8. They Are Open Minded
  9. They Help Others Develop Talents
  10. They Stand Up for Others

In order to build up these abilities it takes thoughtful practice. It takes being self-aware and exercising deliberate practice. A way to speed up self-awareness is by studying others and then comparing your actions to those who are already successful. You can do this by reading biographies and journaling.

First, read the biographies of people who have overcome great challenges. Then connect the the times they overcame the obstacles to the traits they were exhibiting. Next, journal your thoughts. Take a self-assessment of your current mindset. Dive deep and become more self-aware by writing down what you think and plan ahead for what you need to do to become better.

Self-awareness and gaining knowledge only becomes valuable when action is taken. Take action. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from others. Think. Ponder. Reflect. Focus on helping others take action. Use your vision to help others overcome their problems. Even the biggest walls can be torn down with enough help. Help others overcome the walls that are blocking their success. The more you help others succeed, the more you will succeed. Leaders are created. You become a better leader by helping others.

Outward Mindset

mess up

I have messed up a lot of situations. Usually I blamed others. Most of the time it was my fault.

My oldest son turns 5 tomorrow. Like any father, I think he is an all-star. I love him more than anything. I blame him too often for random acts of annoyance. I take him for granted. I mess up. When I think about him instead of myself though, I stop messing up. That is how it usually is with most relationships.

In my first post-college sales role I knew I was right. I felt my boss was wrong. She wasn’t my real boss. She was just filling in for a week while the official sales manager was out of town. She was good at what she did. I “thought” I was good too. We just had different styles to get the same results. We were helping small business owners create a better online presence. My method took a bit longer to help the buyer make a decision, I felt I was more consultative. She wanted me to work faster. I thought I was helping better by doing it my way. She wanted me to help more people. She was right. I was right. It didn’t matter. We needed to move beyond right wrong.

Your mindset is the foundation of all you do. All actions were first thoughts. Your experiences and their meaning are determined by your mindset. Often people treat us how we expect to be treated. Not all the time, but our inner-view comes out and is manifested in our physical lives.

When it comes to learning and development Carol Dweck teaches that there are two main ways to view the world: with a “fixed” or a “growth” frame of mind. Everything we do is predicated on how we view our ability to adapt. Relationships are the same. We can either grow or allow the relationship to become stale, to stagnate. Stagnation leads to sickness, disease, death etc…

My mindset adjusted the first time after reading Leadership and Self-Deceptionwhen my friend and advisor Dan Mower gave it to me. Then I learned it again when I read the Anatomy of Peace. This week I relearned all those lessons and really gained a deeper appreciation for how to apply them by reading the latest book byThe Arbinger Institute: The Outward Mindset. The book comes out June 13th – I was fortunate to get an early copy! (Thanks James Ferrell) This is probably the most important “business” book I have read. Ever. This book helps us develop as leaders by looking beyond ourselves and focusing on helping others and the team as a way to overcome our own limitations.

When it comes to relationships, leadership, and team performance The Arbinger Institute has developed a framework that simplifies all of our human interactions and then helps us overcome our personal shortcomings. The Arbinger Institute helps people move beyond right and wrong. Moving past who is right vs. who is wrong might be the hardest interpersonal skill anyone can develop. It takes practice, effort, and commitment. It takes the ability to change your mindset.

In Arbinger’s powerful new book: The Outward Mindset, we are taught that there are two specific mindsets, how they impact performance and relationships, and what we can do to change. The ability to understand yourself and understand others is directly related to emotional intelligence. This framework goes much deeper than just being people smart. It works on motivation, outlook, and the ability to adjust personal perspective to help others and in the end make everyone, including yourself, a winner.

The Arbinger Institute’s two “mindsets”:

The Inward Mindset

Thinking only of yourself. Seeing others as objects. When you have an inward mindset you are focused only on your objectives. Most of the time, because you are so focused on yourself, you have no idea where you are… this includes your own mindset. Most people in the inward mindset have no idea that they are there. People with an inward mindset think other people are the problem and cannot even consider the idea that they might be the cause of their own problems.

The Outward Mindset

With an outward mindset the individuals focus on the goals and objectives of the team. They see others as human rather than objects. People with an outward mindset love to help and never blame others. They see every situation as a reason to grow and learn and do what it takes to make those around them better. They focus on empathy for the team and for the individual. People with an outward mindset “see others”. They have empathy and focus on collective goals over personal objectives.

In order to change your personal mindset and your team’s mindset there is a pattern to follow:

  1. Start with your mindset. Find out where you are and where you want to go.
  2. Change first, do not expect others to change.
  3. Allow yourself to change. Give yourself permission.
  4. Take responsibility for the outcomes.
  5. Work on erasing distractions.
  6. Develop systems for you and your team that help turn mindsets outward.

The problem with changing from an inward mindset to an outward mindset is actually realizing that you are wrong in the first place. Admitting that you are focused on yourself is either hard to do or if we do see it, we find ways to justify it. We can explain away most of our behaviors. This leads to more denial and avoidance. No results.

While there is no exact way to do this, asking questions that put the blame inward helps us focus on the outward. Having questions to go along with the pattern creates a good template.

We can reflect and should ask ourselves:

  • How am I creating this problem?
  • What can I do differently?
  • What did I do wrong?
  • How can I help?
  • What does the other person need?

Once we stop blaming others for our situation we can find true progress.The change has to come from within by looking out. We must adjust our focus and then our vision can become clear.

Life is about our experiences and relationships. Developing and outward mindset helps us increase the quality of both. As we develop an outward mindset all of our relationships will improve. We will be happier. We will all find more success. It worked for me. Even though I need to strive for this everyday, I know working toward adjusting my mindset dramatically improves everything important in my life.

Your Turn: What advice can you give to help us change our focus from inward to outward? Please share your experiences and expertise. 

The 6 Keys to Overcoming Any Obstacle

Problems and mistakes do not define you. They only allow yourself to write your story. Your actions are your story. Your “personal definition” is the summary of your actions.

Why do challenges and struggles make some people stronger and make others weaker? How is it that some teams/people come back from devastating defeats while others simply give-up? What are the keys that unlock potential?

These are the questions that former Navy SEAL Dennis McCormack and co-authors George Everly Jr., and Douglas Strouse, examine in their book ‘Stronger: Develop the Resilience You Need to Succeed‘. Resilience is an individual’s ability to properly adapt to adversity and stress. Adversity could be viewed as simply as any-time something does not go as planned or as complex as when there is someone actively trying to prevent you from accomplishing your goals.

People who display resilience are able to overcome setbacks and accomplish greatness. The authors state that the five characteristics needed to develop resilience are:

  1. Active Optimism. It is not just a belief, or idealistic view, but rather the ability to see the desired outcome that then creates positive action.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” – Winston S. Churchill

  1. Decisive Action. Once the optimism is in place, you must be decisive and act in order to recover from setbacks. You can and must gain the courage to make difficult decisions.

“…the cure for most obstacles is, Be decisive.” – George Weinberg

  1. Moral Compass. We must let integrity, honor, ethical actions, and fidelity guide our decisions under demanding circumstances.

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” – Marcus Aurelius

  1. Relentless Tenacity: Determination. It is bring determined to finish and persistent enough to carry out your desires.

“Most people give up just when they’re about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touchdown.” – H. Ross Perot

  1. Interpersonal Support. It is important to know who is on your team and how they support you.

“Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much.” – Helen Keller

As achievers and dreamers, we have goals. How do we reach them? How do we achieve our objectives? Some people have begun to call resilience by another word, they call it grit. One of the pioneers in this field of study is Angela Duckworth. Through her research Dr. Duckworth has found that grit is the quality that enables individuals to work hard and stick to their long-term passions and goals amidst obstacles.

In one of my favorite books, Mindset, by Carol Dweck, the author teaches:

“…no matter what your ability is, effort is what ignites that ability and turns it into accomplishment.”

These Secrets are the 6 Keys to Developing Personal Resilience (Grit)

  1. Always Take Action – inertia is powerful. The more time is wasted, the weaker our resolve becomes. Fortune favors the bold. Doing is always best.
  2. Always Release Stress/Tension – find a way to unwind and express emotions: draw, journal, meditate, speak to a personal friend, exercise, create art, write letters to others….
  3. Always Be Learning – learn from mistakes, learn from success, learn from others (watch, observe, ask questions, read)
  4. Always Stay Connected – people who are resilient have other people they rely on. Be that friend for others. Make emotional deposits into your friendship bank for a time when you might be low.
  5. Always Adapt – be flexible. Our expectations often dictate our emotional response, expect change and adapt to the current reality.
  6. Always Follow Your Why – know and understand your purpose, your true motivation. When the storms of life are raging, your “why”, your purpose becomes the safe haven, the place you can always retreat to, regroup, and then start again. Follow your own desires, not those of others.

We will always be facing obstacles. The ability to overcome these challenges is what leads to success. Resilience is the strength to overcome setbacks and press forward with a singular focus and dedicated purpose. In order to achieve your own personal greatness – make sure to work hard, feel your emotions, learn, help others, adjust, and stay grounded with your values.

Define The Relationship – Yes, it is all your fault.

Vulnerability is Power (2)

 

 

 

 

 

If you own something mentally, no one can ever take it from you. Own your mistakes. Own your failures. Own your wins. Own your relationships. Make them yours. Our true success is determined by our relationships and experiences. Relationships are either growing or dying. Make sure yours are growing.

We are what we think about. We manifest our innermost thoughts by the actions we take. Our professional and personal relationships are also a direct reflection of our thoughts regarding the relationship. If a relationship is in a bad state, trying to determine who is at fault is your first mistake. My wife taught me that one. It doesn’t matter whose fault it is, that is just wasting time. Your actions determine your outcomes.

When we understand ourselves, we can begin to understand others. Justin Bariso helps us understand the value of emotional intelligence when making decisions regarding relationships:

“Emotional intelligence involves the ability to recognize and understand your emotions, and to use that information to guide decision making.”

Key Account Performance trainer and coach Jermaine Edwards teaches:

“Your ability to become a master relationship builder is critical…This is not just about adapting to behavioral styles it’s about understanding people.”

When you work toward making sure the other person’s needs and desires are being met, you can truly begin to understand the person and the situation. This is emotional intelligence in action, or emotional competence. Knowing when the problem is too big to surpass is part of emotional intelligence. Then acting on that knowledge is what helps us separate bad relationships from good. This is emotional competence. Knowing when to keep pushing takes emotional intelligence. If the relationship is worth fighting for, don’t give up. Keep working, keep helping the other person “win”. When a leader creates winners, everybody becomes a winner. Strong relationships produce winners.

When you have problems in a relationship it is probably because You:

  1. Talked too much…
  2. Didn’t listen (because you were talking, or wanting to talk)…
  3. Thought your needs were more important than the other person’s needs…
  4. Forgot the purpose of the relationship…
  5. Stopped nurturing the relationship…
  6. Made yourself the “hero” instead of them…

You have done those things. I have done those things. We need to stop doing those things. Once you put the needs of the other person, team, company etc. at the front of your concern, your entire perspective changes. You will sell more. You will have more fun. Your spouse will like you more. You will have better relationships.

Andrew Sobel’s book, Power Relationships is a game changer. He teaches that there are 26 laws for building solid relationships and that that when building “deep personal relationships” their are 4 rules that specifically apply:

  1. Vulnerability is Power (law #16)
  2. Enthusiasm is Contagious (law #24)
  3. Change the Environment and You’ll Deepen the Relationship (law #12)
  4. There’s always something, no matter how small, that you can do to help the people around you. (law #14)

These timeless “laws” help us understand how our own actions have enormous influence on the the relationships we are trying to build.

4 More Ways to Build Great Relationships:

Collaborate & Communicate (not to share your ideas, but to learn and understand THEIRS)

“Nobody succeeds for long in a silo. Whatever our ventures…we can’t forget all the people who are involved in and essential to our success…Those who succeed learn from their mistakes and from the people around them…The most successful collaborators understand how to communicate respectfully and accurately.” – Faisal Hoque

Care (if you care, they KNOW, they can FEEL it)

“It only takes a second to make another person feel valued, yet the effect can last a lifetime.” – Jeff Haden

Continue Pressing Forward (no solid relationship was BUILT by a quitter)

“Mental toughness: it is believing I would prevail in my circumstances rather than believing my circumstances would change.” – LaRae Quy

Contribute (provide VALUE)

“If you help others get what they want, they will help you get what you want.” – Lolly Daskal

Putting it all together: The more we help other people, the stronger our relationships become. The strength of our relationships are is directly proportional to the amount of influence we have. As we increase our ability to build relationships through emotional intelligence our personal desire to help others naturally increases. As the influential Josh Steimle says:

“Building great relationships takes time and work and presence.” 

We must put in the effort. It will be hard, and it will take time. Yet, the results will come. The more people we help, the better relationships we have and the more successful we become.

7 Questions to Ask Yourself Every Morning

7Daily

 

 

 

 

 

What is the best way to get what you want? Ask for it.

And if you want to get better — at anything — ask yourself to be better. Here are some great ways to do just that. Ask yourself:

1. “Do I show enough gratitude?”

Gratitude is the key to unlocking happiness. Happiness helps drive performance, fulfillment, and success. Are you writing down ten things you are grateful for everyday?

Do you show people how much you care?

2. “What does my ‘gut’ tell me?”

You you know that gut feeling you have? Trust it. Trust your intuition. Then question the reason you have that gut feeling. You will learn tons about yourself. You have had immense experience and your subconscious processes it all.

Your “gut” is a driving force curating your emotions, knowledge, and experiences. Use it and learn from it.

3. “Why do I do what I do?”

Why are you doing what you are doing right now? What makes you want to do it? How does what you are doing help you realize your ultimate goals? Do your actions help others? What can I learn?

Focus on learning. Focus on experiences. The more experiences you have to learn from, the stronger your ability to help others becomes.

4. “Is this the best I can do?”

Ask yourself: Am I doing my best? Can I do more?

If you can’t, awesome, keep going. If you can… get better. Do more. Try harder. Work smarter. Ask others to help you do better.

Master your skill. Master your craft.

5. “Am I using my mentor or coach effectively?”

Mentors and coaches are not always the same person, even though they can be. You might need both, but always have at least one.

Help them help you by actually listening and applying what they teach you. Ask them deeper questions. Ask them to help you stretch yourself. Ask them, “Why?”

6. “Do I love myself?”

This question is hard to answer.

Answer it anyway.

Check your self talk. Am I negative about my actions or thoughts? Do I give others more credit than I give myself? Do I treat my mental and physical self with respect? Am I truly loving myself?

When you love yourself, you can better love other people.

7. “Am I helping enough people?”

At the end of our lives our relationships are the things that matter. The people who we have helped, and who have helped us, build our lives. The more we help others the more fulfillment and satisfaction we will feel.

While success as a destination is hard to find, success as a journey can be experienced every day.

Help more. Make your journey better and bring others with you.

The bottom line: Questions help us think more deeply. They help us understand where we are, find the gaps, fill the gaps, and increase our performance. As we question ourselves we can get stronger because we better understand our motivations… and by taking positive action, we can get a tiny bit stronger everyday.

Mareo McCracken

Originally Published on Inc.com

 

You Are Destroying Trust (and What You Can Do About It)

“Earn trust, earn trust, earn trust. Then you can worry about the rest.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is how you are ruining trust in your (business) relationships:

  • You lie.
  • You hide information.
  • You stop producing for the team.
  • You think you know more than everyone else.

Don’t do these things. No one is perfect, but we sure can try. Instead of focusing on the negatives, focus on what you do well, what others do well, and magnify those talents. Every interaction we have with others either builds or destroys trust. Focus on building!

5 Effective Ways to Build Trust in the Workplace:

DO WHAT IS RIGHT – Easy. Just don’t be a jerk. Don’t hurt other people. Don’t lie. Don’t play politics. Help others. Be nice. Work hard. Think positive. In every situation just make sure you do what is honorable and helpful.

ACT WITH INTEGRITY – You show integrity through honest actions and words. Honesty is the root of trust in all relationships. Integrity must start from the top and then move down. Being honest means telling the truth, keeping promises no matter the consequences. If its people have integrity, the relationship is healthy. If relationships are healthy, then business is healthy.

HAVE SHARED GOALS – Teamwork only happens when the goals are shared. To create trust, employees/colleagues must feel like everyone is working together to carry out a shared dream, a shared vision, instead of a series of personal agendas. The best teams know the goal, believe the goal, and work toward it together.

ALWAYS COMMUNICATE – Communication is the vehicle for information and truth. We must communicate our values and vision first, and then we can communicate our organization’s vision next. By opening channels of communication, we can all stop trying to do the impossible task of reading minds.

CREATE PARTNERSHIPS – You build trust when people work together. We need to value each person. Trusted partners know that the work they do is important and that the work their partner will do is quality. AS partner has the same goals and dreams. A partner wants you to succeed.  This means the leaders need to spend more time with the team. Then leaders need to give and receive feedback.

If you are a leader you need to build trust.

Stephen M.R. Covey, Author of The Speed of Trust teaches that these are the 13 behaviors of high trust leaders across the globe, they:

  1. Talk Straight
  2. Demonstrate Respect
  3. Create Transparency
  4. Right Wrongs
  5. Show Loyalty
  6. Deliver Results
  7. Get Better
  8. Confront Reality
  9. Clarify Expectation
  10. Practice Accountability
  11. Listen First
  12. Keep Commitments
  13. Extend Trust

Mr. Covey says: “Remember that the 13 Behaviors always need to be balanced by each other (e.g., Talk Straight needs to be balanced by Demonstrate Respect) and that any behavior pushed to the extreme can become a weakness.” 

The foundation of all worthwhile relationships is trust. Trust is about risk. It is about emotional intelligence and it means giving control to others. The more trust we develop trust, the more success that we will find. Joel Peterson (JetBlue / Standford / Investor) wrote a new book (just finished it!) that outlines what trust is, how to develop it, and how to repair it. His book teaches these 10 Laws of Trust:

  1. Start With Personal Integrity
  2. Invest in Respect
  3. Empower Others
  4. Measure What You Want to Achieve
  5. Create a Common Dream
  6. Keep Everyone Informed
  7. Embrace Respectful Conflict
  8. Show Humility
  9. Strive for Win-Win Negotiations
  10. Proceed with Care

“…the absence of trust is betrayal…” – Joel Peterson

As we show our integrity and performance, we will build trust. Building trust is about people, competence, honor, and performance. Work hard to make sure the people you work with can rely on you. Once they know that you care and are trustworthy, everything else becomes easier.

7 Ways to Upgrade Your Life

Leaves

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  1. Follow a ROUTINE.  Do the things that make you better, consistently. Develop a morning routine. Develop an evening routine. Routines allow you to focus on your thoughts and helping others because you can run those portions of your life on autopilot. These routines create stability and help you prepare mentally for the day.
  2. Focus on the GOOD. We choose our thoughts. Our thoughts create our reality. Since we can choose our thoughts life’s better when we focus on the positive. Focus on the good and that is what you will find. The more good you look for, the more your will find it. Show gratitude. Grateful people are happier…fact. It is fun to be around grateful people…fact. Focus on what you have and the good you can do.
  3. Spend time ALONE. Noise and commotion can create energy, they also prevent us from thinking clearly. It is important to spend time alone each day to prioritize your thoughts and ideas.
  4. Develop your VISION. Find your “why”. Once you know why you exist, then do whatever it takes to make your dreams a reality. Your vision is your purpose combined with the actions you are willing to take. Take massive action toward your dreams, let your vision guide you. Define what you want. Decide to act. Then ACT.
  5. Surround yourself with BUILDERS. Negative thinking hurts performance. Find people who will build you up and hang around them. You will become like the 5 people you spend the most time with. Choose wisely.
  6. Eat HEALTHYEat less sugar than you want. Eat more protein, vegetables, and fruits than you want. If you do that, you can live better, with more energy and focus. 
  7. Be ACTIVE. Move. Exercise. Do stuff. Increase your heart rate, make it intense. Make it a daily habit. Inertia is powerful. If we stay at rest, we will continue to stay at rest. Don’t stay at rest. We are people, not rocks…or potatoes.