Define The Relationship – Yes, it is all your fault.

Vulnerability is Power (2)

 

 

 

 

 

If you own something mentally, no one can ever take it from you. Own your mistakes. Own your failures. Own your wins. Own your relationships. Make them yours. Our true success is determined by our relationships and experiences. Relationships are either growing or dying. Make sure yours are growing.

We are what we think about. We manifest our innermost thoughts by the actions we take. Our professional and personal relationships are also a direct reflection of our thoughts regarding the relationship. If a relationship is in a bad state, trying to determine who is at fault is your first mistake. My wife taught me that one. It doesn’t matter whose fault it is, that is just wasting time. Your actions determine your outcomes.

When we understand ourselves, we can begin to understand others. Justin Bariso helps us understand the value of emotional intelligence when making decisions regarding relationships:

“Emotional intelligence involves the ability to recognize and understand your emotions, and to use that information to guide decision making.”

Key Account Performance trainer and coach Jermaine Edwards teaches:

“Your ability to become a master relationship builder is critical…This is not just about adapting to behavioral styles it’s about understanding people.”

When you work toward making sure the other person’s needs and desires are being met, you can truly begin to understand the person and the situation. This is emotional intelligence in action, or emotional competence. Knowing when the problem is too big to surpass is part of emotional intelligence. Then acting on that knowledge is what helps us separate bad relationships from good. This is emotional competence. Knowing when to keep pushing takes emotional intelligence. If the relationship is worth fighting for, don’t give up. Keep working, keep helping the other person “win”. When a leader creates winners, everybody becomes a winner. Strong relationships produce winners.

When you have problems in a relationship it is probably because You:

  1. Talked too much…
  2. Didn’t listen (because you were talking, or wanting to talk)…
  3. Thought your needs were more important than the other person’s needs…
  4. Forgot the purpose of the relationship…
  5. Stopped nurturing the relationship…
  6. Made yourself the “hero” instead of them…

You have done those things. I have done those things. We need to stop doing those things. Once you put the needs of the other person, team, company etc. at the front of your concern, your entire perspective changes. You will sell more. You will have more fun. Your spouse will like you more. You will have better relationships.

Andrew Sobel’s book, Power Relationships is a game changer. He teaches that there are 26 laws for building solid relationships and that that when building “deep personal relationships” their are 4 rules that specifically apply:

  1. Vulnerability is Power (law #16)
  2. Enthusiasm is Contagious (law #24)
  3. Change the Environment and You’ll Deepen the Relationship (law #12)
  4. There’s always something, no matter how small, that you can do to help the people around you. (law #14)

These timeless “laws” help us understand how our own actions have enormous influence on the the relationships we are trying to build.

4 More Ways to Build Great Relationships:

Collaborate & Communicate (not to share your ideas, but to learn and understand THEIRS)

“Nobody succeeds for long in a silo. Whatever our ventures…we can’t forget all the people who are involved in and essential to our success…Those who succeed learn from their mistakes and from the people around them…The most successful collaborators understand how to communicate respectfully and accurately.” – Faisal Hoque

Care (if you care, they KNOW, they can FEEL it)

“It only takes a second to make another person feel valued, yet the effect can last a lifetime.” – Jeff Haden

Continue Pressing Forward (no solid relationship was BUILT by a quitter)

“Mental toughness: it is believing I would prevail in my circumstances rather than believing my circumstances would change.” – LaRae Quy

Contribute (provide VALUE)

“If you help others get what they want, they will help you get what you want.” – Lolly Daskal

Putting it all together: The more we help other people, the stronger our relationships become. The strength of our relationships are is directly proportional to the amount of influence we have. As we increase our ability to build relationships through emotional intelligence our personal desire to help others naturally increases. As the influential Josh Steimle says:

“Building great relationships takes time and work and presence.” 

We must put in the effort. It will be hard, and it will take time. Yet, the results will come. The more people we help, the better relationships we have and the more successful we become.

7 Questions to Ask Yourself Every Morning

7Daily

 

 

 

 

 

What is the best way to get what you want? Ask for it.

And if you want to get better — at anything — ask yourself to be better. Here are some great ways to do just that. Ask yourself:

1. “Do I show enough gratitude?”

Gratitude is the key to unlocking happiness. Happiness helps drive performance, fulfillment, and success. Are you writing down ten things you are grateful for everyday?

Do you show people how much you care?

2. “What does my ‘gut’ tell me?”

You you know that gut feeling you have? Trust it. Trust your intuition. Then question the reason you have that gut feeling. You will learn tons about yourself. You have had immense experience and your subconscious processes it all.

Your “gut” is a driving force curating your emotions, knowledge, and experiences. Use it and learn from it.

3. “Why do I do what I do?”

Why are you doing what you are doing right now? What makes you want to do it? How does what you are doing help you realize your ultimate goals? Do your actions help others? What can I learn?

Focus on learning. Focus on experiences. The more experiences you have to learn from, the stronger your ability to help others becomes.

4. “Is this the best I can do?”

Ask yourself: Am I doing my best? Can I do more?

If you can’t, awesome, keep going. If you can… get better. Do more. Try harder. Work smarter. Ask others to help you do better.

Master your skill. Master your craft.

5. “Am I using my mentor or coach effectively?”

Mentors and coaches are not always the same person, even though they can be. You might need both, but always have at least one.

Help them help you by actually listening and applying what they teach you. Ask them deeper questions. Ask them to help you stretch yourself. Ask them, “Why?”

6. “Do I love myself?”

This question is hard to answer.

Answer it anyway.

Check your self talk. Am I negative about my actions or thoughts? Do I give others more credit than I give myself? Do I treat my mental and physical self with respect? Am I truly loving myself?

When you love yourself, you can better love other people.

7. “Am I helping enough people?”

At the end of our lives our relationships are the things that matter. The people who we have helped, and who have helped us, build our lives. The more we help others the more fulfillment and satisfaction we will feel.

While success as a destination is hard to find, success as a journey can be experienced every day.

Help more. Make your journey better and bring others with you.

The bottom line: Questions help us think more deeply. They help us understand where we are, find the gaps, fill the gaps, and increase our performance. As we question ourselves we can get stronger because we better understand our motivations… and by taking positive action, we can get a tiny bit stronger everyday.

Mareo McCracken

Originally Published on Inc.com

 

8 Super Quick Ways To Immediately Increase Your Confidence

CONFIDENT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes we might need a quick boost of confidence. Here are some actionable ideas that work quickly when you need a shot of confidence:

  1. Create a Personal Mission Statement. Keep a copy with you and read it several times during the day. (What do you do? Why do you do it?)
  2. Make and replay your “true vision” (mental movie trailer that shows you achieving your goals) in your mind.
  3. List Your 5 Greatest Accomplishments. Read it. Remember how you felt when you did those things.
  4. Write down 5 “things” you are grateful for.
  5. Smile again. Keep smiling.
  6. Keep a “Success” notebook (app?) and write down what you accomplish(ed) during the day.
  7. Fix your posture. Stand up straight. Get in a power pose for 2 minutes.
  8. Write down your daily positive affirmations. Read them out loud. Check out this Inc.com article for mine: 9 Affirmations the Most Successful People Repeat Each and Every Day

And if none of these ideas work, read an uplifting story, or a powerful quote, or meditate. Actions create success. Positive actions create confidence as well as success.

Bonus: 8 of my favorite quotes on confidence.

  1. “Always be yourself and have faith in yourself. Do not go out and look for a successful personality and try to duplicate it.” Bruce Lee

  2. “As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

  3. “Confidence is a habit that can be developed by acting as if you already had the confidence you desire to have.” Brian Tracy

  4. “Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles, and less than perfect conditions. So what? Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident, and more and more successful.” Mark Victor Hansen

  5. “If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is, too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.”  Harv Eker

  6. “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”Dale Carnegie

  7. “It is confidence in our bodies, minds, and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures.” Oprah Winfrey

  8. “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” Helen Keller

www.mareomccracken.com