Author: Mareo McCracken

Mareo McCracken

What a Former FBI Agent Just Taught Me About Confidence


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Recently I was lucky enough to have a Skype video call with LaRae Quy and she dropped huge amounts of knowledge. I would like to share the secrets I learned:

Confidence is not just faking it until you make it. LaRae Quy spent 24 years of her life in extremely tough situations. As an FBI counter intelligence and undercover officer she had her fair share of “defining” moments where the outcome could mean life or death. In these types of situations LaRae says:

“There is no room for faking it until you make it. You must summon the confidence from within first, and act on that confidence.”

In order to gain confidence you must be able to overcome obstacles. Some people gain confidence from success. That is great. What happens if you have never been successful in even a remotely similar situation though?

When LaRae was training at Quantico one of the requirements was to jump into a pool while holding an M-16 and then resurface and swim to the other side. The problem was, LaRae, growing up on a cattle ranch in Wyoming, never learned to swim. Even right before the exercise, she still couldn’t actually swim. But she understood that failure was not an option, she knew she had to do it and summoned the confidence to jump. Then she jumped. She is still here and believes that action is the proof of confidence. When you push your limits, your limits expand. You don’t fake courage. You take action.

LaRae Quy likes to use the term “Emotional Competence” instead of Emotional Intelligence. While they might seem one-and-the-same, the difference made perfect sense to me. Competence is a more relevant term than intelligence. I know a lot of intelligent people who are not competent. Competence is about action, while intelligence is about knowledge. This idea of competence over intelligence also manifests itself in a quote she told me during our video call:

“Theories are nice, evidence is better. Our lives are our evidence”

Competence leads to confidence. According this FBI Agent “Emotional Competence’” has 2 Main components: 

  1. Being Able to Identify The Feeling
  2. Regulating Your Feelings & The Resulting Actions

One of the main weaknesses we have when it comes to emotional competence is our vocabulary. When we discuss our feelings we are “ just fine” or “good”. This is weak and not descriptive. Being able to effectively identify and describe your emotion allows you to take the next steps in order to process and determine correct action. We need to be able to understand if we are angry, frightened, frustrated, jealous, concerned, worried, scared, or happy. Once we know what we are feeling we can then begin to understand why.

LaRae taught me that in order to be able to control (regulate) your actions and feelings there is a 5-step process:

  1. Quiet Your Mind
  2. Explore: Ask the Hard Questions
  3. Determine: Is This (Feeling/Idea/Perception) True?
  4. Decide What Needs to Be Done
  5. Take Action. Dare Yourself. Be Aggressive.

1. Quiet Your Mind – some people meditate. Some people exercise. Some people are religious. Whatever you do, make sure you have space and time to think about your thoughts. When your mind can focus and you are not being bombarded by outside noise, your ability to reflect and process information greatly increases.

2. Explore – this is where you ask what does this feeling do? Is it good for me? Is it self-limiting or is it helpful? Where does this feeling come from? Is it from my parents, my childhood, teachers, or friends and coaches? How did I get it? Why do I have it? Trace the origins. This is where all those questions must be answered.

3. Find Truth – is the feeling with its origin and meaning true? Does the feeling portray reality or am I making it up?

4. Decide What Needs to Be Done – what action if taken will move me closer to my desired outcomes? What action can I take? Where is my influence? Decide what you want to feel, what you want to accomplish and then focus on the actions that will get you there. By determining the best possible course of action, following through becomes easier.

5. Take Action – We need to challenge ourselves to proceed. All fear can be killed with action. Dare yourself to push your boundaries. Most limits are self-inflicted and can be broken. Break through those limits. Be aggressive with your actions and take control of your personal limitations.

The lack of confidence is present at all levels. Executive leaders feel unsure about their abilities just as much as junior analysts. It is rampant for both men and women, often though it is just expressed differently. Feeling afraid or questioning your abilities is ok as long as you do not dwell on the feeling and start believing it as true. Feel the feeling. Label the feeling. Then apply LaRae’s 5-steps to understand, question, and take corrective action. If you follow this process, you will be able to gain true confidence and thereby take more action in the future.

—

More about LaRae: LaRae Quy was an FBI undercover and counterintelligence agent for 24 years. She exposed foreign spies and recruited them to work for the U.S. Government

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. As an FBI agent, she developed the mental toughness to survive in environments of risk, uncertainty, and deception. LaRae is the author of “Secrets Of A Strong Mind” and “Mental Toughness for Women Leaders: 52 Tips To Recognize and Utilize Your Greatest Strengths.”

More posts by Mareo can be found Here

Mareo McCracken

10 Traits of Confident People


“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage...Go out and get busy.” —Dale Carnegie

  1. They take responsibility. They don’t blame others. No matter what the circumstance is, a confident person understands that ownership of results, feelings, and emotions is the only true path to success.
  2. They focus on their strengths. Confident people know their strengths and weaknesses, they understand their abilities and they continuously look to improve themselves while focusing on using their strengths.
  3. Confident people crave progress. They don’t aspire for perfection, they drive for improvement. To a confident person, the “perfect person” is one who knows who they really are and fully embraces their own possibilities. Improvement is a choice as well as a journey.
  4. They uplift others, they don’t gossip. Confident people don’t talk about other people, they talk about ideas, projects,  goals, plans and aspirations. They recognize the importance of staying neutral.
  5. They understand the ‘Power’ of saying no. Confident people don’t over-promise. They understand the value of time and effort and are conscious to commit to things that are aligned with their ultimate goals, passions, and beliefs. By doing this, confident people can give their 100% at all times.
  6. The focus on the end goal and the actions needed to get there. They don’t waste their time worrying. Time is valuable. Confident people spend their energy on what they can control, on their circle of influence.
  7. They honor their bodies and minds. Confident people know that they need to take care of themselves to do and be their best. They value balance which includes exercise, hard-work, relationships, eating well, education, and sleep.
  8. They know their “WHY”.  The reason behind the action drives the enthusiasm. They are excited, dedicated, passionate and fearless.  They share their passion with others.
  9. They ask for help. Often. Confident people know that trying to accomplish everything alone is not possible. Confident people don’t feel threatened by seeking help from others

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  10. They view failure as a learning moment. They don’t see failures as the end but instead as a tool to grow. They recognize that on the road to success there will always be trials, challenges, and obstacles but they know that perseverance always wins in the end.

Mareo McCracken

Simple Steps to Increase Your Confidence

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I used to think that confident people showed confidence through their outgoing personalities. I was wrong. Personality type is not an indicator of confidence. Extroverts are often lacking in self-esteem. Introverts often have confidence to spare. Confidence is created through consistent actions that can be adjusted. The more we work to develop our confidence the stronger we become.

“Low self-confidence isn’t a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered–just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better.” Barrie Davenport

Successful people show confidence—they truly believe in what they are doing and in themselves. Their success does not make them confident; their confidence makes them successful.

“Nothing can stop the (wo)man with the right mental attitude from achieving his/her goal; nothing on earth can help the (wo)man with the wrong mental attitude.” Thomas Jefferson

Confidence is not permanent. Some days you might have a strong sense of belief in who you are and what you are capable of. Other days might exist where you think you can’t do anything right. Maybe even this emotional switch happens multiple times throughout the same day? They main thing to keep in mind is that there are ways to keep the feeling of self-worth longer by practicing a few basic habits.

“If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is, too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.” T. Harv Eker

Remember that:

  • Emotions are contagious. Enthusiasm is multiplied. Doubt is shared. Confidence is a feeling of strength and can be spread.
  • Trying new things take confidence.
  • The only one stopping us from reaching our goals is ourselves.
  • With training and practice everyone can become more confident.
  • Confidence can be influenced from external forces, but the strongest most lasting form of confidence comes from within.

With those key items in place, here are 5 simple steps that lead to more confidence:

1. Change Your Self-Talk

Your life is a reflection of you inner thoughts

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. You have the ability to tell yourself what you believe about yourself. Tell yourself you are valuable, important, and good enough. Stop listening to those people who do not support you.

2. Find a Mentor

Find some one who supports you and wants you to succeed. Have them give you constant feedback and encouragement.

3. Be a Mentor

Stop thinking only about yourself – helping others is a great way to learn, grow, and realize your contributions are needed.

4. Exercise

Just do it. You will be happier and more confident. Trust me.

5. Keep Going

Confidence is created one step at a time. Once you are able to prove to yourself that you can complete an assignment or that you can finish a project, your confidence rises. The more you do, the more you CAN do.

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” Dale Carnegie

by Mareo McCracken

Mareo McCracken

Benefits of Gratitude on Performance


Gratitude=Increased Performance

Gratitude is the number one indicator of people I like. Really. Looking back at all of my relationships, the people I am the closest with are the ones who are the most grateful. It causes me to pause and ask myself two things:

  1. Am I the type of person I want to be friends with?
  2. Why? Why are the people I connect with the ones who are the most grateful?

Interestingly, these people also are great performers. They perform professionally, emotionally, socially, physically, and with family. They succeed because they learn and grow.

Success is about not only about results, it is about learning from setbacks and striving for constant progress. It is about taking what you have – what you have been given – and making the most with it. Performance is about living up to your capabilities. Performance is about execution. Having an idea or strategy and then finding a way to get it done. Often we look at the hard skills need to perform, yet your emotional state is just as important.

Positive Psychology is an academic field that studies happiness. According to positive psychologists Ken Sheldon and Sonja Lyubomirsky, there is research that says that up to 40 percent of your happiness comes from activities that you choose to do. When you are happier, you perform better in all aspects of your lives. Your work product improves. Your relationships get strengthened.

“When we are happy—when our mindset and mood are positive—we are smarter, more motivated, and thus more successful. Happiness is the center, and success revolves around it.”  – Shawn Achor

In the search for uncovering the secret to happiness, positive psychology keeps returning to the same concept: gratitude. In multiples studies, researchers have found that if people are purposefully engaged in trying to become more grateful, they are more likely to become happier. Gratitude is a feeling. It is an emotion we choose to have based on our willingness to appreciate the good that is around us.

From the Harvard Medical School Health Publications:

“Another leading researcher in this field, Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, tested the impact of various positive psychology interventions on 411 people, each compared with a control assignment of writing about early memories. When their week’s assignment was to write and personally deliver a letter of gratitude to someone who had never been properly thanked for his or her kindness, participants immediately exhibited a huge increase in happiness scores. This impact was greater than that from any other intervention, with benefits lasting for a month.”

Amy Morin, Author of the book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do,  wrote an article in Forbes that shows 7 Scientifically Proven Ways that gratitude enhances your life:

  1. Gratitude opens the door to more relationships. 
  2. Gratitude improves physical health.
  3. Gratitude improves psychological health.
  4. Gratitude enhances empathy and reduces aggression.
  5. Grateful people sleep better.
  6. Gratitude increases mental strength.
  7. Gratitude improves self-esteem.

Showing gratitude privately and publicly creates happiness. In my life, I have found that people who do certain things are able to experience increased levels of happiness through gratitude.

Three ways to develop gratitude:

  1. Journal it! Write down daily what you are thankful for. Every morning write down 10 things you are grateful for. Every night before you fall asleep write down another 10 things you are thankful for. Our words create our world. Our thoughts define our reality.
  2. Tell it! Each day commit to telling one person why you are thankful for them. It could be a friend, spouse, co-worker, child, taxi driver, grocery store cashier… anyone. Telling people you are thankful for them increases your awareness, and creates happiness in others. Do more than say “Thank You”. Be specific as to why you are thankful and even better write them a letter.
  3. Forget it! All obstacles, struggles, pain and setbacks are only as powerful as we allow them to be. Letting go of the bad, letting go of the negative – is as important as focusing on the good

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    . Dwell only on what can help you achieve your potential and discard the rest.

Being constantly happy is not realistic or even practical. We need adversity. Our well-being is determined by the meaning we give to each situation. We can choose to feel happy based on actions we take. Pain and struggle are vital for growth and mastery. The meaning we apply to the pain is what really determines our happiness. If we can be thankful for the experiences and appreciate what is happening, we then are in control over our personal happiness. Be thankful. Tell others you appreciate them. Ignore the negative. Do those things and you will develop gratitude and find more happiness and be more confident and be more successful.

**Jeff Haden collected 40 incredible quotes on gratitude for this Inc. Article. andDave Kerpen tells a story and shares 15 more for this Inc. Article.**

Mareo McCracken 

Mareo McCracken

14 Thoughts on Happiness from Famous People (are they happy?)

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  1. “I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is not determined by our circumstance, but by our disposition.” – Martha Washington
  1. “Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.” – Norman Vincent Peale
  1. “Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn’t stop to enjoy it.” – William Feather
  1. “If you want to be happy, be.” – Leo Tolstoy
  1. “It’s not how much we have, but how much we enjoy that makes happiness.” – Charles Spurgeon
  1. “Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.” – Mahatma Gandhi
  1. “Try to make at least one person happy every day. If you cannot do a kind deed, speak a kind word. If you cannot speak a kind word, think a kind thought. Count up, if you can, the treasure of happiness that you would dispense in a week, in a year, in a lifetime.” – Lawrence G. Lovaski
  1. “I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.” – Groucho Marx
  1. “Each day holds a surprise. But only if we expect it can we see, hear or feel it when it comes to us. Let’s not be afraid to receive each day’s surprise, whether it come to us as sorrow or as joy, it will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate more fully our shared humanity.” – Henri Nouwen
  1. “Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt
  1. “Think if all the beauty still left around you and be happy.” – Anne Frank
  1. “You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of

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  1. “Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.” – Carl Jung
  1. “The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.” – Christopher McCandless

Mareo McCracken

I was a Loser then “1 Thing” Changed My Life – in 4 steps


“Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.”

 

“You suck.” “You’re a freak.” “You’re lame.” I used to believe everything people told me, especially when they told me about myself. Some people told me I was awesome (thanks Mom, thanks Geromy). Others told me I was a loser (thanks junior high) or immature (thanks Mr. *&^%$#, 8th grade health teacher). Then others said I am unstoppable and deserve the best (thanks Emilie). Others ignored my existence (thanks sophomore and junior years of high school). I was lucky though – while I was getting “mean girled” as best they could – since it was before facebook and texts, as soon as I got home it all stopped.

I still remember like it was yesterday, the day I decided that I am going to only believe what I want to believe.

The move to Yuma looked bad on paper. It was the summer before my senior year of high school and my Mom got a new job and our entire family was leaving the town and state (Boise, ID) I spent my entire life in. We had just finished summer football camp and things were looking good, I was expected to start both ways and was looking forward to having a great senior year with my one friend (Thanks Steve H.). On the way down to Arizona our U-haul (Driven by my older brother) and our car (driven by me) were separated in Las Vegas, this was before our family had cell phones. It was my fault as I took a last minute highway switch ramp. We kept driving and would stop every so often (Needles / Searchlight) calling a friend back home who was our safety checkpoint. Eventually we met up about 6 hrs later in Yuma. During the time I was feeling horrible and worried I would never see half of my family again. The realization came that the only people that matter are those that care about you. No one else’s opinion, view or ideas really have a greater degree of importance. If the opinions of others don’t matter, then I am free to be who I want to be. I decided right then and there to always listen to who the people that support me and tune out the things that do not help me. We got to Arizona right in time for school to start. I was motivated to help others and be the friend I wanted to have. I determined who I was, how I acted, and what I thought based on my internal thoughts – not on anything that was going on around me. It worked. Since I had confidence now in who I was, I was able to make friends, help others, and let myself be helped (Thanks Derek W., Reggie G., David M., Ben W., Jessica L., Mitch K., Cameron C., Lindsay, LeRyan L., Frederick L. and so many others….).

Once the actions of others only mattered when I let them, it seemed that everyone’s actions started to be positive and supportive

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. Then I let the idea carry me through college and my time in Hong Kong (that was hard, but worth it and more fulfilling than anything else). In my professional life it has been harder to stay so focused and not to let worry and self-doubt creep in, but when I do, I go back and remember that early August day in the summer of 2000 and things start to fall back into place.

What do you believe in?

Do you believe all the negativity you constantly hear? Do you believe the haters and the cynics? Do you believe your fears? What we believe determines our destiny. Our thoughts determine our reality. To change our reality, we must change our perception, we must change our reactions, and change our self-talk. We must keep our expectations high. We become what we habitually think about.

When you stop worrying about what others think of you and instead focus on the value you can bring to others, your life will change.

4 points to remember:

1. Believe in Your Intrinsic Value

You are important because you exist, that is enough to start with. You have ideas. You can accomplish things. You can help people.

“I think true success is intrinsic… It’s love. It’s kindness. It’s community.” – Tom Shadyac

2. Always Give More Value than You Receive

This will end up being a futile process as the more you give the more other people want to help and there are always more of them then there is of you. But try anyway.

“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.” – Lao Tzu

3. No More Excuses

Nothing is anyone’s fault. If you cannot control it, stop worrying about it. Focus on what you can control. Don’t create room for failure to be expected. Learn and grow. Don’t fail, adjust.

“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bull#*%t story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.” – Jordan Belfort

4. Choose Gratitude

When you are thankful for what you have, you will get more. When you want less, you will always have enough. Gratitude unlocks the door to happiness.

“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.” – Denis Waitley

We are the ones who determine our future and create our reality by the thoughts we plant and the actions we take. Think positively and act correctly and you will find success.

What about you? What limiting beliefs have you been able to let go of? What tools / strategies have helped you overcome your own self-doubts? Please comment below.

*If this little message might help others in anyway, please share.

by Mareo McCracken

Mareo McCracken

On The Road to Honesty


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Children are our future.

The more we teach and mentor them, the better our communities become. Honesty is a value we must all strive to posses and exercise.  Often it is taught to children as an afterthought, or only when the child has shown dishonesty. There is a better way.

Thierry Koehrlen’s united effort to effectively teach honesty to children through the On The Road to Honesty campaign is a great place to go for resources that help us teach children in a fun, exciting, and empowering way.  In an effort to help promote the value of teaching honesty this article deconstructs the ability to build trust – a by-product of honesty.

————-

Relationship quality is measured by the level of trust attained.

One determinant of success is the quality of our relationships, or the ability to build trust.

“Again and again, we see both individuals and organizations perform only to a small degree of their potential success, or fail entirely, simply because of their neglect of the human element in business and life.” – John C. Maxwell

Leaders who build trust are leaders who succeed.CLICK TO TWEET

Leaders who build trust are leaders who succeed.

Relationships built on trust are the foundation of success. No one has succeeded on an island. Stephen M.R. Covey teaches that there are two types of trust: Character (your integrity) and Competence (the ability and willingness to produce)

“Trust in others comes not only from being truthful but also from the extent you reliably do what you say you will do.” Stephen M.R. Covey

Leaders who inspire, build, motivate, and ultimately succeed are leaders who are able to develop and maintain both types of trust in their professional and personal relationships.

Some trust is instantaneous, while other trust must be earned over time.

Recently I took a helicopter ride while working on a project in Brazil. As soon as we arrived at the helipad I saw the pilot with his uniform, stripes, and various symbols that signified his competence. Instantly I believed that he had the ability and qualifications to fly the machine safely. The same is usually true when we visit a doctor or attend a university lecture. Credentials can build trust. Especially trust in competence.

In business though, credentials often mean very little. Building trust with individuals and teams comes down to our ability to navigate complex social situations. While the circumstances may vary, the process of building lasting trust is very simple to learn and apply.

The process for building trust is:

  1. Always Listen First (Curiosity, Concern & Care)
  2. Always Speak About People as If They Can Hear You
  3. Always Do Exactly What You Promised, then Do More

The first two steps in the process build your “character trust” and the final step builds your “competence trust”.

Always Listening First allows us to learn and understand. And more important, those people we are building relationships will feel our genuine care. Emotions control relationships. Listening gives other people the chance to express themselves; this opens the door to connection and long-term positive associations. By listening you show concern while learning what types of actions and behaviors will best allow this relationship to succeed.

Always Speaking About People as If They Were Present does not necessarily build trust, but doing the opposite is the fastest destroyer of trust. Lying and cheating is wrong – you might or might not get caught. But, whomever you talk to will know how you talk about others. They will not want to be talked about when they are gone and therefore will not trust you. Be the type of person you want to be friends with.

Always Doing Exactly What We Promised, and Then Doing More shows we have integrity, we are honest, and just as important – that we are competent. Getting the job done is what makes the world go round. If you promise a phone call, make the call. If you promise an email, send the email

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. If you promise a trip to the swimming pool, go to the pool! (Practice with your family – the ones closest to you are often the hardest ones to keep promises to.)

No matter how honest we are, if we do not produce something, we do not add value. There are many things we can produce – if our role is a high school teacher our product then is how well we teach, educate, and inspire the youth. If our role is as an accountant, our accuracy and insights we produce become our product. Everyone in some form or another has value to contribute. Everyone can create and produce. Competence comes from the skill, ability, and willingness to produce the best possible product.We trust people who constantly perform. First do what you say you will, then wow them and do more.

To conclude, following the simplified three things we must “ALWAYS” do will put us in situations to constantly be building trust. Trusted relationships take time to build, are easy to loose and nearly impossible to regain.

Earning trust once is hard, earning it twice next to impossible. Work hard at building trust; treat trust building like a profession.

For further study I recommend these 3 books:

  1. The Decision to Trust: How Leaders Create High-Trust Organizations – Robert F. Hurley
  2. The Speed of Trust – Stephen M.R. Covey
  3. Winning With People – John C. Maxwell

If you are parent, professional, educator, or mentor please consider the benefits of teaching honesty in a proactive method to those youth you have the opportunity to interact with. A great tool and method is the On The Road to Honesty campaign.

 

 

Mareo McCracken

Grit: Article on Richtopia

The 6 Secret Keys to Overcoming Any Obstacle

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Why do challenges and struggles make some people stronger and make others weaker? How is it that some teams/people come back from devastating defeats while others simply give-up? What are the keys that unlock potential?

These are the questions that former Navy SEAL Dennis McCormack and co-authors George Everly Jr., and Douglas Strouse, examine in their book ‘Stronger: Develop the Resilience You Need to Succeed‘. Resilience is an individual’s ability to properly adapt to adversity and stress. Adversity could be viewed as simply as any-time something does not go as planned or as complex as when there is someone actively trying to prevent you from accomplishing your goals.

People who display resilience are able to overcome setbacks and accomplish greatness. The authors state that the five characteristics needed to develop resilience are:

  1. Active Optimism. It is not just a belief, or idealistic view, but rather the ability to see the desired outcome that then creates positive action.

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” – Winston S. Churchill

  1. Decisive Action. Once the optimism is in place, you must be decisive and act in order to recover from setbacks. You can and must gain the courage to make difficult decisions.

“…the cure for most obstacles is, Be decisive.” – George Weinberg

  1. Moral Compass. We must let integrity, honor, ethical actions, and fidelity guide our decisions under demanding circumstances.

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” – Marcus Aurelius

  1. Relentless Tenacity: Determination. It is bring determined to finish and persistent enough to carry out your desires.

“Most people give up just when they’re about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touchdown.” – H. Ross Perot

  1. Interpersonal Support. It is important to know who is on your team and how they support you.

“Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much.” – Helen Keller

As achievers and dreamers, we have goals. How do we reach them? How do we achieve our objectives? Some people have begun to call resilience grit. One of the pioneers in this field of study is Angela Duckworth. Through her research Dr. Duckworth has found that grit is the quality that enables individuals to work hard and stick to their long-term passions and goals

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In one of my favorite books, Mindset, by Carol Dweck, the author teaches:

“…no matter what your ability is, effort is what ignites that ability and turns it into accomplishment.”

These Secrets are the 6 Keys to Developing Personal Resilience (Grit)

  1. Always Take Action – inertia is powerful. The more time is wasted, the weaker our resolve becomes. Fortune favors the bold. Doing is always best.
  2. Always Release Stress/Tension – find a way to unwind and express emotions: draw, journal, meditate, speak to a personal friend, exercise, create art, write letters to others….
  3. Always Be Learning – learn from mistakes, learn from success, learn from others (watch, observe, ask questions, read)
  4. Always Stay Connected – people who are resilient have other people they rely on. Be that friend for others. Make emotional deposits into your friendship bank for a time when you might be low.
  5. Always Adapt – be flexible. Our expectations often dictate our emotional response, expect change and adapt to the current reality.
  6. Always Follow Your Why – know and understand your purpose, your true motivation. When the storms of life are raging, your “why”, your purpose becomes the safe haven, the place you can always retreat to, regroup, and then start again. Follow your own desires, not those of others.

We will always be facing obstacles. The ability to overcome these challenges is what leads to success. Resilience is the strength to overcome setbacks and press forward with a singular focus and dedicated purpose. In order to achieve your own personal greatness – make sure to work hard, feel your emotions, learn, help others, adjust, and stay grounded with your values.

 

by Mareo McCracken

Mareo McCracken

Overcome Self-Doubt


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Have you ever experienced being excited about something you truly desired only to not pursue it due to fear? Or, because of the feeling that you are not good enough? Self-doubt is the quiet killer of dreams. Self-doubt steals your future and turns fears into realizations.

“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”― William Shakespeare

Sometimes we have to be reminded of how great we can become. We see our faults and they block out our strengths. While living in Hong Kong I was placed into a role I did not feel qualified for. The HK head pulled me into his office and said we need you in this role for these reasons and then listed them out.

“…learn to take responsibility for your decisions

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The first time I became a sales lead in my professional career I was scared, I doubted my abilities to lead more experienced and better salespeople. My manager came to me and said: we put you in this role for these reasons – and began to list out the reasons. What are the themes? The two managers were not overlooking my faults, they were just choosing to focus on different metrics. Our life can be measured by the performance indicators we choose. What we focus on becomes our reality.

“Nothing is written in stone, as a career is an unpredictable journey.” – Zlatan Ibrahimovic

For all of us who suffer from self-doubt we know it leaves an emptiness that can’t seem to be filled. At times, all humans face some form of self-doubt. The way we react to that emotion is what determines our ability to achieve our potential. While ignoring the self-doubt is one way around it, recognizing the feeling and then proactively taking steps to overcome the self-doubt will lead to stronger personal convictions and resilience.

“I have self-doubt. I have insecurity. I have fear of failure. I have nights when I show up at the arena and I’m like, ‘My back hurts, my feet hurt, my knees hurt. I don’t have it. I just want to chill.’ We all have self-doubt. You don’t deny it, but you also don’t capitulate to it. You embrace it.” – Kobe Bryant

My previous managers helped me by teaching me how to do a self-assessment. One way to overcome the paralyzing fear of self-doubt is to take a self-assessment where you determine what is assessed. Self-doubt is looking at the reasons why success might not happen. Self-assessment is looking at all the reasons why you will succeed!

To take a self-assessment:

  1. List out all of your Personal Strengths & Qualities
  2. List out all of your Achievements
  3. List out your positive Relationships

Then pick your top 3 from each category. Write them down again. Write them down a few times. Read them over and over again remembering how you feel when you are using your talents, remembering how you felt when you were accomplishing those tasks, remembering how you feel when you are around the people whose relationship gives your the most happiness. Remember the feelings. Feed those feelings. Embrace those positive emotions.

“By taking the time to stop and appreciate who you are and what you’ve achieved…you actually can enhance everything about you. Self-acknowledgment and appreciation are what give you the insights and awareness to move forward toward higher goals and accomplishments.” – Jack Canfield

Once you have the positive emotions flowing start visioneering yourself accomplishing your goals, your dreams, your desires. See in your mind’s eye yourself completing and succeeding. Attach those positive feelings to the accomplishment of your dreams. Then get to work. Then take action. Take the steps you know you need to take, ask people for help, help others, work harder, then go to sleep and do it all again.

Knowing you are not perfect is the key to continuous learning. Always be striving to learn more. Learning builds confidence. While wanting to learn is vital and important, focusing on your strengths is what enables the emotional fortitude to push through times of uncertainty.

Mareo McCracken 

Mareo McCracken

The Paradox of Performance


The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.

We should confront and deny the various paradoxes that (mis)guide our decisions making processes. Understanding the conflicting ideas that we are presented with will lead to greater breakthroughs.  Wanting to perform better leads us to search for hacks that help us accomplish our goals. Sometimes we latch onto ideas that might not be exactly accurate in our quest for increased performance.

Here are 4 Paradoxes to look for:

Conventional Wisdom # 1: Good ideas create success. Paradox: Everybody has ideas. Trying to find good ideas leads to nothing.  Everybody can be creative. Combining the idea with the execution is what creates a winner. In order to create a winner you need to stop focusing on the finish line, but rather the problem to be solved and the journey that you take.

“A great idea is worthless; execution is everything.”
― Matthew Weiner

Conventional Wisdom # 2: Focusing on your-self leads to improvement.Paradox: Focusing on self-improvement does not help you improve yourself. Helping others is what helps you improve. You must focus on helping others grow. You grow by not focusing on yourself but by helping others.

“It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others to succeed.”
– Napolean Hill

Conventional Wisdom # 3: The more you do, the better your life. Paradox:Doing more means you actually do less. Being busy wastes time. Your focus is not clear, your energy is not concentrated. Your results suffer. Also, the busier we are the less we actually live

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“There is nothing that the busy man is less busy with then living; there is nothing harder to learn.” – Seneca

Conventional Wisdom # 4: Connecting and interacting with like minded people helps in build strength and character. Paradox: We grow through change. We grow through adversity. Opening your mind to new ideas, to new people, and to new thought patterns is what will lead to all of us being able to combat some of the false teachings that have become so popular today. We grow stronger as we expand our mindset.

“The more closed your network, the more you hear the same ideas over and again, reaffirming what you already believe, while the more open your network, the more exposed you are to new ideas.”
― Whitney Johnson