1. “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” Eleanor Roosevelt

2. “You never regret being kind.” Nicole Shepherd

3. “You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.” Margaret Thatcher

4. “You have to be burning with an idea, or a problem, or a wrong that you want to right. If you’re not passionate enough from the start, you’ll never stick it out.” Steve Jobs

5. “You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.” Nancy D. Solomon

6. “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.” Steve Jobs

7. “Wisdom equals knowledge plus courage. You have to not only know what to do and when to do it, but you have to also be brave enough to follow through.” Jarod Kintz

8. “Whenever you see a successful person, you only see the public glories, never the private sacrifices to reach them.” Vaibhav Shah

9. “Whenever you see a successful business, someone once made a courageous decision.” Peter F. Drucker

10. “When you put together deep knowledge about a subject that intensely matters to you, charisma happens. You gain courage to share your passion, and when you do that, folks follow.” Jerry Porras

11. “What would you attempt to do if you knew you would not fail?” Robert Schuller

12. “View your life from your funeral: Looking back at your life experiences, what have you accomplished? What would you have wanted to accomplish but didn’t? What were the happy moments? What were the sad? What would you do again, and what wouldn’t you do?” Victor Frankl

13. “Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Mark Twain

14. “Try not to become a person of success, but rather try to become a person of value.” Albert Einstein

15. “To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.” Eleanor Roosevelt

16. “To be content means that you realize you contain what you seek.” Alan Cohen

17. “Think of what you have rather than of what you lack. Of the things you have, select the best and then reflect how eagerly you would have sought them if you did not have them.” Marcus Aurelius

18. “There are two types of people who will tell you that you cannot make a difference in this world: those who are afraid to try and those who are afraid you will succeed.” Ray Goforth

19. “The successful warrior is the average man, with laserlike focus.” Bruce Lee

20. “The No. 1 reason people fail in life is because they listen to their friends, family, and neighbors.” Napoleon Hill

21. “The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.” William Arthur Ward

22. “The mark of a great man is one who knows when to set aside the important things in order to accomplish the vital ones.” Brandon Sanderson

23. “The greatest leader is not necessarily the one who does the greatest things. He is the one that gets people to do the greatest things.” Ronald Reagan

24. “The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success.” Bruce Feirstein

25. “The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it.” Theodore Roosevelt

26. “Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life-think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success.” Swami Vivekananda

27. “Surround yourself with great people; delegate authority; get out of the way.” Ronald Reagan

28. “Successful people do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do. Don’t wish it were easier; wish you were better.” Jim Rohn

29. “Successful and unsuccessful people do not vary greatly in their abilities. They vary in their desires to reach their potential.” John Maxwell

30. “Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.” Henry David Thoreau

31. “Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” Winston Churchill

32. “Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.” Robert Collier

33. “Success at the highest level comes down to one question: Can you decide that your happiness can come from someone else’s success?” Bill Walton

34. “Silent gratitude isn’t very much to anyone.” Gertrude Stein

35. “Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people.” Andre Dubus

36. “Remember, teamwork begins by building trust. And the only way to do that is to overcome our need for invulnerability.” Patrick Lencioni

37. “Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt

38. “People buy into the leader before they buy into the vision.” John Maxwell

39. “Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.” Pablo Picasso

40. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt

41. “Much of the stress that people feel doesn’t come from having too much to do. It comes from not finishing what they’ve started.” David Allen

42. “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” Thomas A. Edison

43. “Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” Peter F. Drucker

44. “Low self-confidence isn’t a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered-just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better.” Barrie Davenport

45. “Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.” Dwight D. Eisenhower

46. “Leadership is not about titles, positions, or flowcharts. It is about one life influencing another.” John C. Maxwell

47. “Leaders must be close enough to relate to others, but far enough ahead to motivate them.” John C

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48. “Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others.” Robert Louis Stevenson

49. “Keep your eyes open and try to catch people in your company doing something right, then praise them for it.” Tom Hopkins

50. “It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” Charles Darwin

51. “In the end, it is important to remember that we cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are.” Max De Pree

52. “In a battle between two ideas, the best one doesn’t necessarily win. No, the idea that wins is the one with the most fearless heretic behind it.” Seth Godin

53. “If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right. But do not care to convince him. Men will believe what they see. Let them see.” Henry David Thoreau

54. “If you really want the key to success, start by doing the opposite of what everyone else is doing.” Brad Szollose

55. “If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough.” Albert Einstein

56. “If you are willing to do more than you are paid to do, eventually you will be paid to do more than you do.” Anonymous

57. “If you are not willing to risk the usual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.” Jim Rohn

58. “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou

59. “I cannot trust a man to control others who cannot control himself.” Robert E. Lee

60. “I cannot give you a formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure, which is: Try to please everybody.” Herbert Bayard Swope

61. “Happiness is where we find it, but very rarely where we seek it.” J. Petit Senn

62. “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” Eleanor Roosevelt

63. “Give as few orders as possible,” his father had told him once long ago. “Once you’ve given orders on a subject, you must always give orders on that subject.” Frank Herbert (from Dune)

64. “Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.” Greg Anderson

65. “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” William Arthur Ward

66. “Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.” Shari R. Barr

67. “Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.” Albert Schweitzer

68. “Don’t tell people how to do things; tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results.” George S. Patton Jr.

69. “Don’t blow off another’s candle for it won’t make yours shine brighter.” Jaachynma N.E. Agu

70. “Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.” John D. Rockefeller

71. “Do you know that one of the great problems of our age is that we are governed by people who care more about feelings than they do about thoughts and ideas.” Margaret Thatcher

72. “Do what you have always done and you’ll get what you have always got.” Sue Knight

73. “Do it or not. There is no try.” Yoda

74. “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear — not absence of fear.” Mark Twain

75. “Consensus: the process of abandoning all beliefs, principles, values, and policies in search of something in which no one believes, but to which no one objects; the process of avoiding the very issues that have to be solved, merely because you cannot get agreement on the way ahead. What great cause would have been fought and won under the banner: ‘I stand for consensus?'” Margaret Thatcher

76. “Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time…serenity, that nothing is.” Thomas Szasz

77. “Being responsible sometimes means pissing people off.” Colin Powell

78. “Average leaders raise the bar on themselves; good leaders raise the bar for others; great leaders inspire others to raise their own bar.” Orrin Woodward

79. “Always bear in mind that your own resolution to success is more important than any other one thing.” Abraham Lincoln

80. “A man always has two reasons for doing anything: a good reason and the real reason.” J.P. Morgan

81. “A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader takes people where they don’t necessarily want to go but ought to be.” Rosalynn Carter

82. “A leader isn’t someone who forces others to make him stronger; a leader is someone willing to give his strength to others so that they may have the strength to stand on their own.” Beth Revis

83. “A leader is a dealer in hope.” Napoleon

84. “A leader … is like a shepherd. He stays behind the flock, letting the most nimble go out ahead, whereupon the others follow, not realizing that all along they are being directed from behind.” Nelson Mandela

85. “A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week.” George Patton

 

The measure of our life is not in the amount of things we do but the impact that we have. Recently I attended a seminar hosted by the Arbinger Institute

. They are a group that helps leaders and organizations promote productivity and conflict resolution through changing your mindset from the inward to the outward. One of the fellow participants said something that really resonated with me:

 “Our most precious commodity is not time, it is our energy.”

This comes from the teachings of Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz, the authors of thePower of Full Engagement. They explain that:

“The Key to Managing Performance is Energy, not Time.”

Everything we do requires energy. The quality of energy we expend determines the value of the output. Today, many distractions compete for our precious focus, the sacred resource of personal energy. Even if we can physically cram into our schedules the 500 things a day that we “need” to do, is that going to be the best choice? Would it be better to just do 5 things extremely well? Managing our energy output is the key to happiness, fulfillment, and performance. The more engaged we are the better our results will be. Engaged employees work better and are happier. Engaged bosses care more and see the big picture. Engaged relationship builders focus on the needs of the other person and thereby create winning solutions for everyone.

Like anything we do, the more we focus on something, the better we do at it. If we really want to build strong relationships with our colleagues, clients, friends, and family we need to be aware of how we spend our most valuable resource, our energy. Energy spent on things we cannot control is energy wasted. Most stress is derived from worrying about circumstances outside our locus of control. We cannot control how people will treat us; we can control how we treat others. We cannot control how others will view our ideas; we can control our willingness to share. We cannot control the ability for someone to see our viewpoint; yet we can control our ability to see the situation from another person’s perspective.

The science is energy is a valuable resource. Our ability to focus ebbs and flows and our output goes along with it. The art is what we choose to create with that energy. Master relationships builders do not focus on the outcome, but on the process. By only focusing on what you can control, we are able put our energy toward creating relationships that matter and are built on trust. By erasing expectations of others our ability to perform increases. We see our value, and our value is not based on the reaction of others, but rather comes from an internal sense of accomplishment directed by our internal compass. We serve others because we can. We help our team members because we care about the team’s goal, not just our own. When our energy is focused inward it dies. When it is focused outward it expands (exponentially?).

We can use our energy to build others and create value. The greatest successes I have seen or experienced came from collaborative relationships where the focus of each participant was not on themselves, but on helping those around them accomplish their goals.

As the incredible Zig Ziglar said:

“You can everything you want in life, if you just help enough other people get what they want.”

As we come to understand that by helping others we create abundance in our lives as well as in the lives of those around us we are able to clearly choose actions that help us focus our energy on worthwhile endeavors. When energy is allocated the right way, our ability to create relationships that matter becomes natural, as an extension of our character – thus, a factor of who we are rather than just what we do.

I like to read

. A lot. My desire is to read a book a week. So far this year I am at 20 books through April. I want to read more. A side affect of reading is learning. There are pros and cons to reading fast. One con is that you often begin reading something new before you have time to fully implement what you learned in the previous book. One positive effect is the more you read the more trends and themes you are able to notice.

Some of my favorite books to read are the stories of the world’s greatest achievers – like Steve Jobs, Mother Theresa, Thomas Jefferson, Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Winston Churchill, Thomas S. Monson, and Warren Buffett etc. While each person has a unique story there are 5 themes (traits/habits) that keep resurfacing for those that achieve extraordinary results:

1. Clear Vision – They have clarity in thought, motive, and purpose. This does not mean they always pursued the same goal, or never changed their vision. But once the idea was set they worked and worked without wavering toward “that one thing”. If they had to change that one thing, they did, and then kept the new vision in their sights.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”

– Henry David Thoreau

2. Passion – Not “love”, but an inner drive to excel at a specific goal. It is an emotional attachment to a specific outcome. Being passionate means being committed and enthusiastic.

“Nothing can stop the man(woman) with the right mental attitude from achieving his(her) goal; and nothing on earth can help the man(woman) with the wrong mental attitude.”

– Thomas Jefferson

3. Strength – They overcome, they have the courage to do what others do not. The strength they show is manifest in what they do. They get up each day and work at things others do not want to do. They do what needs to be done.

“Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.”

– Mother Teresa

4. Performance – They produce more quality results in less time than those around them.

“The highest levels of performance come to people who are centered, intuitive, creative, and reflective – people who know to see a problem as an opportunity.”

– Deepak Chopra 

5. Endurance – They keep going. They do it over and over again, all the time. They endure to the end, knowing that success comes only after the mountain is climbed. Enduring can be an accidental or an intentional endeavor. When the enduring is for a specific purpose, the results are so much greater.

“Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory.”

– William Barclay

What really inspires me is that all of these success traits can be learned – they can be acquired! Practice them. Act like they are a part of you. The way you act becomes who you are.

 “In the game of life, heredity deals the hand, society makes the rules, but you can still play your own hand.”

– Peter’s Almanac

I believe that the purpose of achievement is to help ourselves as we help others. The more we achieve the more we can help, whether that be financial, through mentoring, motivational, spiritual, or as a supporting hand. A life spent helping others becomes a life fulfilled.

– Mareo McCracken

Dolphins listen. They have to. Their lives depend on it. Dolphins have evolved over time to have remarkably acute abilities to distinguish a wide variety of frequencies. These skills allow them to interpret danger, safety, and emotions. They can sense the type and size of objects, and most important they understand meaning without visual cues. Imagine if we could learn listen to others the way dolphins listen? Our conflicts would most likely go away

.

Since we are not that advanced yet, here are two simple ways to reduce conflict that can create tremendous positive change. Simple does not mean easy though.

1. Listen to Learn

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

–Stephen R. Covey

Recently I was able to travel to a few places I had never been before. While in Bangkok, Manila, and Jakarta I noticed I was much more alert, more aware and more attentive to all the people around me. I listened. I learned. I was looking. It made me feel safer to do this. Then when I got home I went back to autopilot. I knew the roads, I knew the people, and I stopped focusing on my surroundings, on the people around me.

Often the people we are closest to are the ones that we hurt, or get hurt by the most. Because of the familiarity we feel we can stop being on our “A” game. We know them – they know us. The relationship is not new. We are not being attentive or aware. If our focus is on learning we will listen and we will end up being safer. We can then be safe in our relationships, safe in our dealings, and safe in our responses. When people are safe they often can bypass conflict.

2. Use Empathic Statements

This is the proof that you were actually listening. Not just listening for what was said, but listening for the intent and meaning of what was said.

“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said”

–Peter Drucker

When someone has a problem, we cannot know how he or she is feeling, we are not they. But we might know what the impact of their situation is having on them. We can learn to restate their issues into sentences that define the impact rather the problem itself. If we give a response that defines the impact rather than the situation it does two things: first, it lets the person know we are actually thinking about what was said. And second, if we are wrong they have the opportunity to correct us and really tell us how they feel. (A good article on the creation and application of Empathetic Statements by Bill Eddy can be found here)

Lao Tzu taught:

“In conflict, be fair and generous.”

While learning to effectively reduce conflict takes lots of practice (of which practice I have too much of – my own fault), by focusing on listening to learn and crafting and incorporating empathetic statements into our conversation habits we can begin to make small, gradual steps in reducing conflict in our personal lives and then begin to help others do the same. Because, in the end, that is all that really matters: our relationships and the value we bring to others.

Confidence is a feeling, it is a deep felt trust and belief that is shown through actions. Confidence is not necessarily a trust in the outcome, but a trust in the process – that no matter what what happens – you have the ability to endure, survive, and then thrive in any given situation. Where does confidence come from? Confidence grows from preparation, action, and belief.

I remember a time while living Hong Kong, I was given a task that I felt I was not qualified for. I was not confident. My lack of confidence was evident to others and my results/work started to suffer. A mentor stepped in, and gave me some advice that I will never forget: “Do what you can, relax, ask a million questions, and believe in your work.”  The light-bulb went on, a door was opened for me. Once I got my mindset corrected, the actions changed, the confidence came, the results improved, and I built a trust in abilities.

So, how do we gain confidence?

1. Develop Expertise

 

Fear is the opposite of confidence. Preparation erases fear. The most prepared are usually the most successful. Experts are prepared. They have prepared for years. In order to become an expert you must spend huge amounts time on deliberate practice and then have the ability to maintain this effort when facing obstacles. Overcoming obstacles builds confidence. Knowing you have overcome obstacles in the past helps you face new challenges going forward.

2. Distance Yourself From Stress

One huge factor that can reduce confidence is stress. When stressful situations arise our thoughts become focused on the negative rather than the positive. Dr. Travis Bradberry wrote a breakthrough article that outlines the 10 things that successful people do to stay calm and reduce stress:

 

1. They Appreciate What They Have

2. They Avoid Asking “What If?”

3. They Stay Positive

4

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. They Disconnect

5. They Limit Their Caffeine Intake

6. They Sleep

7. They Squash Negative Self-Talk

8. They Reframe Their Perspective

9. They Breathe (breathe in the moment, focus on breathing)

10. They Use Their Support System     

3. Duplicate the Actions of Those Who Have Confidence

How do confident people act? Dharmash Shaw, the founder of Hubspot, teaches us what the 9 Traits of Truly Confident People are:

1. They take a stand not because they think they are always right… but because they are not afraid to be wrong.

2. They listen ten times more than they speak.

3. They duck the spotlight so it shines on others.

4. They freely ask for help.

5. They think, “Why not me?”

6. They don’t put down other people.

7. They aren’t afraid to look silly…

8. And they own their mistakes.

9. They only seek approval from the people who really matter.

Practice: do one of those 9 items each day. Focus on one area until it becomes part of your normal habits. Then switch to another of the 9 actions, and then keep going until you master all 9 actions.

4. Decide to Believe

Decide to believe in yourself. Decide to believe in your ability. Decide to believe in your potential. Decide to believe in your experience. Decide to believe in your support team. Decide to believe in your success. Our mind controls our thoughts. Our thoughts our actions. We determine what we believe. We can all choose to believe in ourselves as well is in those in our lives in give us strength. Our ability to choose is the greatest power we have. We we choose to believe in ourselves, we then are deciding to choose actions that lead to true confidence.

By following the 4 D’s of Confidence – Developing Expertise, Distancing Yourself from Stress, Duplication of Confident Actions, and Deciding to Believe – you can gain true confidence, not “fake until you make it” superficial confidence (useful in the beginning, but not a long term solution), but real, honest, self-belief that will allow you to become as successful as you are meant (or want) to be.

 

– Mareo McCracken