You Are Destroying Trust (and What You Can Do About It)

“Earn trust, earn trust, earn trust. Then you can worry about the rest.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is how you are ruining trust in your (business) relationships:

  • You lie.
  • You hide information.
  • You stop producing for the team.
  • You think you know more than everyone else.

Don’t do these things. No one is perfect, but we sure can try. Instead of focusing on the negatives, focus on what you do well, what others do well, and magnify those talents. Every interaction we have with others either builds or destroys trust. Focus on building!

5 Effective Ways to Build Trust in the Workplace:

DO WHAT IS RIGHT – Easy. Just don’t be a jerk. Don’t hurt other people. Don’t lie. Don’t play politics. Help others. Be nice. Work hard. Think positive. In every situation just make sure you do what is honorable and helpful.

ACT WITH INTEGRITY – You show integrity through honest actions and words. Honesty is the root of trust in all relationships. Integrity must start from the top and then move down. Being honest means telling the truth, keeping promises no matter the consequences. If its people have integrity, the relationship is healthy. If relationships are healthy, then business is healthy.

HAVE SHARED GOALS – Teamwork only happens when the goals are shared. To create trust, employees/colleagues must feel like everyone is working together to carry out a shared dream, a shared vision, instead of a series of personal agendas. The best teams know the goal, believe the goal, and work toward it together.

ALWAYS COMMUNICATE – Communication is the vehicle for information and truth. We must communicate our values and vision first, and then we can communicate our organization’s vision next. By opening channels of communication, we can all stop trying to do the impossible task of reading minds.

CREATE PARTNERSHIPS – You build trust when people work together. We need to value each person. Trusted partners know that the work they do is important and that the work their partner will do is quality. AS partner has the same goals and dreams. A partner wants you to succeed.  This means the leaders need to spend more time with the team. Then leaders need to give and receive feedback.

If you are a leader you need to build trust.

Stephen M.R. Covey, Author of The Speed of Trust teaches that these are the 13 behaviors of high trust leaders across the globe, they:

  1. Talk Straight
  2. Demonstrate Respect
  3. Create Transparency
  4. Right Wrongs
  5. Show Loyalty
  6. Deliver Results
  7. Get Better
  8. Confront Reality
  9. Clarify Expectation
  10. Practice Accountability
  11. Listen First
  12. Keep Commitments
  13. Extend Trust

Mr. Covey says: “Remember that the 13 Behaviors always need to be balanced by each other (e.g., Talk Straight needs to be balanced by Demonstrate Respect) and that any behavior pushed to the extreme can become a weakness.” 

The foundation of all worthwhile relationships is trust. Trust is about risk. It is about emotional intelligence and it means giving control to others. The more trust we develop trust, the more success that we will find. Joel Peterson (JetBlue / Standford / Investor) wrote a new book (just finished it!) that outlines what trust is, how to develop it, and how to repair it. His book teaches these 10 Laws of Trust:

  1. Start With Personal Integrity
  2. Invest in Respect
  3. Empower Others
  4. Measure What You Want to Achieve
  5. Create a Common Dream
  6. Keep Everyone Informed
  7. Embrace Respectful Conflict
  8. Show Humility
  9. Strive for Win-Win Negotiations
  10. Proceed with Care

“…the absence of trust is betrayal…” – Joel Peterson

As we show our integrity and performance, we will build trust. Building trust is about people, competence, honor, and performance. Work hard to make sure the people you work with can rely on you. Once they know that you care and are trustworthy, everything else becomes easier.

7 Ways to Upgrade Your Life

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  1. Follow a ROUTINE.  Do the things that make you better, consistently. Develop a morning routine. Develop an evening routine. Routines allow you to focus on your thoughts and helping others because you can run those portions of your life on autopilot. These routines create stability and help you prepare mentally for the day.
  2. Focus on the GOOD. We choose our thoughts. Our thoughts create our reality. Since we can choose our thoughts life’s better when we focus on the positive. Focus on the good and that is what you will find. The more good you look for, the more your will find it. Show gratitude. Grateful people are happier…fact. It is fun to be around grateful people…fact. Focus on what you have and the good you can do.
  3. Spend time ALONE. Noise and commotion can create energy, they also prevent us from thinking clearly. It is important to spend time alone each day to prioritize your thoughts and ideas.
  4. Develop your VISION. Find your “why”. Once you know why you exist, then do whatever it takes to make your dreams a reality. Your vision is your purpose combined with the actions you are willing to take. Take massive action toward your dreams, let your vision guide you. Define what you want. Decide to act. Then ACT.
  5. Surround yourself with BUILDERS. Negative thinking hurts performance. Find people who will build you up and hang around them. You will become like the 5 people you spend the most time with. Choose wisely.
  6. Eat HEALTHYEat less sugar than you want. Eat more protein, vegetables, and fruits than you want. If you do that, you can live better, with more energy and focus. 
  7. Be ACTIVE. Move. Exercise. Do stuff. Increase your heart rate, make it intense. Make it a daily habit. Inertia is powerful. If we stay at rest, we will continue to stay at rest. Don’t stay at rest. We are people, not rocks…or potatoes. 

8 Super Quick Ways To Immediately Increase Your Confidence

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Sometimes we might need a quick boost of confidence. Here are some actionable ideas that work quickly when you need a shot of confidence:

  1. Create a Personal Mission Statement. Keep a copy with you and read it several times during the day. (What do you do? Why do you do it?)
  2. Make and replay your “true vision” (mental movie trailer that shows you achieving your goals) in your mind.
  3. List Your 5 Greatest Accomplishments. Read it. Remember how you felt when you did those things.
  4. Write down 5 “things” you are grateful for.
  5. Smile again. Keep smiling.
  6. Keep a “Success” notebook (app?) and write down what you accomplish(ed) during the day.
  7. Fix your posture. Stand up straight. Get in a power pose for 2 minutes.
  8. Write down your daily positive affirmations. Read them out loud. Check out this Inc.com article for mine: 9 Affirmations the Most Successful People Repeat Each and Every Day

And if none of these ideas work, read an uplifting story, or a powerful quote, or meditate. Actions create success. Positive actions create confidence as well as success.

Bonus: 8 of my favorite quotes on confidence.

  1. “Always be yourself and have faith in yourself. Do not go out and look for a successful personality and try to duplicate it.” Bruce Lee

  2. “As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

  3. “Confidence is a habit that can be developed by acting as if you already had the confidence you desire to have.” Brian Tracy

  4. “Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles, and less than perfect conditions. So what? Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident, and more and more successful.” Mark Victor Hansen

  5. “If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is, too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.”  Harv Eker

  6. “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”Dale Carnegie

  7. “It is confidence in our bodies, minds, and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures.” Oprah Winfrey

  8. “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” Helen Keller

www.mareomccracken.com

8 Traits the Most Self-Assured People Share

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People-watching is fun — sometimes inspiring, always instructive — so whenever I’m around people I try to learn as much as I can.

In business meetings I pay attention to and notice who does what. At community events I focus on what leaders and influencers do. I learn what to do and just as important, what not to do.

And I definitely notice what poised, self-assured, confident people do consistently:

1. They take responsibility.

Confident people don’t blame others. No matter the circumstance, a confident person understands that truly owning one’s feelings, emotions, and results is the only true path to success.

2. They crave progress.

Confident people don’t aspire for perfection; they drive for improvement.

To a confident person, the “perfect person” is one who knows who they really are and fully embraces their own possibilities. Improvement is a choice as well as a journey.

3. They don’t gossip — they uplift.

Confident people don’t talk about other people. They talk about ideas, projects, goals, plans, and aspirations.

They recognize the importance of staying positive — or at least neutral.

4. They understand the power of saying “no.”

Confident people don’t over-promise. They understand the value of time and effort and are conscious to commit to things that are aligned with their ultimate goals, passions, and beliefs.

By doing this, confident people are able to give their best at all times.

5. They honor their minds and their bodies.

Confident people know they need to take care of themselves to do and be their best. They value balance, which includes exercise, relationships, eating well, education, hard work, and sleep.

6. They know and act on their “why.”

Confident people have a purpose. The reason behind an action drives the enthusiasm for that action.

As a result they are excited, dedicated, passionate, and fearless. And they share their passions with others.

7. They ask for help.

Confident people know that trying to accomplish everything alone is not possible. They ask for help often. Confident people don’t feel threatened by seeking help from others.

Confident people love helping others, but they also love being helped.

8. They view failure as a learning moment.

Confident people don’t see failure as an end but instead as a tool to grow. They recognize that on the road to success there will be trials, challenges, and obstacles — but they know perseverance always wins in the end.

Remember, learning from others doesn’t mean striving to become a mirror image. Instead, take the best and find ways to make it your own and always ensure your actions align with the results you seek.

Watching and learning from the actions of others will help you learn more about yourself — because that is one of the best ways to become the best you.

**This article was originally published at Inc.com 

Increase Your Potential by Strengthening Others

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Sometimes we don’t live up to our potential…why?

Sometimes we underestimate the power we have to influence others…why?

Sometimes we let the actions of others determine our own…why?

Like a sticker in a coloring book, labels are easy to apply, hard to remove. We accept the labels others give us with out truly testing the validity. If we believe the story other people tell us about ourselves, we will never become who we are supposed to. We must be stronger. We tell ourselves our own story. We must only allow our minds to believe the labels that help push us toward our goals.

In order to strengthen yourself, strengthen others:
1. Show gratitude.
2. Compliment effort and achievement.
3. Find a problem, solve it.

Don’t Be Foolish, Be WISE & Use Your Fears to Create Success

EMOTIONAL COMPETENCE

There is a Chinese proverb that says:

“When I was afraid, I was foolish. I am still afraid, but now I am wise.”

Well, not sure if it really is a Chinese proverb, I heard it Cantonese while in Hong Kong from a gray-haired, goat-teed, street-chess player as his opponent was pondering the next move. It sounds like it should be a proverb though, maybe it is…

Foolishness is acting immediately on impulses; acting on what we think is easiest. Foolishness comes by not learning from our mistakes. Fear can drive success or fear can encourage foolishness. Fear is evidenced in letting our actions be determined by outside influences.

I was afraid so many times in my life. I was afraid every time I tried out for sports teams from junior high through high school. I was afraid when I tried-out and made the BYU football team as a walk-on. I was afraid when I moved to Hong Kong, London, New York, Yuma, San Diego, and Houston. I was afraid when I wanted to ask my future wife to dance. I was afraid when I got fired. I was afraid when I became a father. I was afraid when I was promoted to lead a sales team. I am still afraid. I am afraid when I talk to customers. I am afraid when I teach classes. I am afraid I will not add value. I am afraid I will not serve enough.

Fear is the number 1 reason we do not achieve our potential. Fear kills success. Fear prevents action. Overcoming fear is a skill all of us can learn. Just like a muscle, the more we use it, the stronger it gets. Overcoming fear is not a race. It takes time.

Successful people understand that fear can be used as a tool to drive success. They have experience. They are have done it before. They are WISE:

W:       Welcome The Fear
I:          Interrogate The Fear
S:         Separate The Fear
E:         Employ The Fear

USING FEAR TO CREATE SUCCESS

Fear is often an obstacle. Overcoming obstacles increases our confidence. When we are W.I.S.E. with our fears we are in control. When we are W.I.S.E. we are becoming the masters of our own emotions and more importantly, the masters of our actions. Embrace your fears. Interrogate your fears then separate your fears from your own sense of self-worth, and finally employ your fears to help motivate you take the needed action that will drive you to success. I am proud of my fear. Now, I let my fear serve me. Success is always found on the other side of fear.

10 Traits of Confident People

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage...Go out and get busy.” —Dale Carnegie

  1. They take responsibility. They don’t blame others. No matter what the circumstance is, a confident person understands that ownership of results, feelings, and emotions is the only true path to success.
  2. They focus on their strengths. Confident people know their strengths and weaknesses, they understand their abilities and they continuously look to improve themselves while focusing on using their strengths.
  3. Confident people crave progress. They don’t aspire for perfection, they drive for improvement. To a confident person, the “perfect person” is one who knows who they really are and fully embraces their own possibilities. Improvement is a choice as well as a journey.
  4. They uplift others, they don’t gossip. Confident people don’t talk about other people, they talk about ideas, projects,  goals, plans and aspirations. They recognize the importance of staying neutral.
  5. They understand the ‘Power’ of saying no. Confident people don’t over-promise. They understand the value of time and effort and are conscious to commit to things that are aligned with their ultimate goals, passions, and beliefs. By doing this, confident people can give their 100% at all times.
  6. The focus on the end goal and the actions needed to get there. They don’t waste their time worrying. Time is valuable. Confident people spend their energy on what they can control, on their circle of influence.
  7. They honor their bodies and minds. Confident people know that they need to take care of themselves to do and be their best. They value balance which includes exercise, hard-work, relationships, eating well, education, and sleep.
  8. They know their “WHY”.  The reason behind the action drives the enthusiasm. They are excited, dedicated, passionate and fearless.  They share their passion with others.
  9. They ask for help. Often. Confident people know that trying to accomplish everything alone is not possible. Confident people don’t feel threatened by seeking help from others. Confident people love helping others, but also love getting helped.
  10. They view failure as a learning moment. They don’t see failures as the end but instead as a tool to grow. They recognize that on the road to success there will always be trials, challenges, and obstacles but they know that perseverance always wins in the end.

Simple Steps to Increase Your Confidence

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I used to think that confident people showed confidence through their outgoing personalities. I was wrong. Personality type is not an indicator of confidence. Extroverts are often lacking in self-esteem. Introverts often have confidence to spare. Confidence is created through consistent actions that can be adjusted. The more we work to develop our confidence the stronger we become.

“Low self-confidence isn’t a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered–just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better.” Barrie Davenport

Successful people show confidence—they truly believe in what they are doing and in themselves. Their success does not make them confident; their confidence makes them successful.

“Nothing can stop the (wo)man with the right mental attitude from achieving his/her goal; nothing on earth can help the (wo)man with the wrong mental attitude.” Thomas Jefferson

Confidence is not permanent. Some days you might have a strong sense of belief in who you are and what you are capable of. Other days might exist where you think you can’t do anything right. Maybe even this emotional switch happens multiple times throughout the same day? They main thing to keep in mind is that there are ways to keep the feeling of self-worth longer by practicing a few basic habits.

“If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is, too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.” T. Harv Eker

Remember that:

  • Emotions are contagious. Enthusiasm is multiplied. Doubt is shared. Confidence is a feeling of strength and can be spread.
  • Trying new things take confidence.
  • The only one stopping us from reaching our goals is ourselves.
  • With training and practice everyone can become more confident.
  • Confidence can be influenced from external forces, but the strongest most lasting form of confidence comes from within.

With those key items in place, here are 5 simple steps that lead to more confidence:

1. Change Your Self-Talk

Your life is a reflection of you inner thoughts. You have the ability to tell yourself what you believe about yourself. Tell yourself you are valuable, important, and good enough. Stop listening to those people who do not support you.

2. Find a Mentor

Find some one who supports you and wants you to succeed. Have them give you constant feedback and encouragement.

3. Be a Mentor

Stop thinking only about yourself – helping others is a great way to learn, grow, and realize your contributions are needed.

4. Exercise

Just do it. You will be happier and more confident. Trust me.

5. Keep Going

Confidence is created one step at a time. Once you are able to prove to yourself that you can complete an assignment or that you can finish a project, your confidence rises. The more you do, the more you CAN do.

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” Dale Carnegie

by Mareo McCracken