Mareo McCracken

Initial Thoughts on Buber – Regarding Conflict & Kindness


kindness

In the Merriam-Webster dictionary Humanity is defined as the quality or state of being human or the quality or state of being kind to other people or to animals. Humans being kind other humans is easy. We create difficulties when we choose (consciously or subconsciously) not to see other people as humans.

Being kind to other people becomes simple when we see them for what they really are and not what we “deceive” ourselves into believing they are. We treat humans differently than we treat objects. Human’s are like us

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. They breathe, they have feelings, and they are people. When we view people as objects they turn into something other than humans.

Martin Buber’s classic I and Thou teaches that there are two basic worldviews that we to apply to every interaction. The first “I-You” is where we see others as humans, as part of us, in the present tense. The second is “I-It” where we view others as objects, as things of the past, as items to use.

As we separate people from ourselves, as we stereotype, as we apply attributes to people the way we would things like cars, houses, tools, and food we dehumanize them; thus we end up treating them as objects. People are not objects and this is where the error is made.

Whenever we are in a situation where we notice our own feelings of compassion, empathy, understanding, or patience begin to wane towards other humans it would make sense to stop and picture the person you are dealing with as a friend, as a brother, as a sister, as a parent or child. As we do this, our internal thought process can begin to change. While our opinions and ideas might not change, our ability to overcome conflict will be greatly enhanced. Instead of giving them power over our emotions, we take control back over what we feel and how we express it.

Mareo McCracken

Get More Done – with “3 and 3 Planning”


getmoredone

 

Your daily structure is your operational framework  success. Once the mindset for success is achieved and the goals are determined, then the execution must begin. As long as you always know what you need to do, you will never be working aimlessly. Focusing on what is most important allows both your conscious and unconscious mind to work toward accomplishing your goals.

Daily planning is essential to achievement. Daily planning is not about goal setting or affirmations. It is actually determining what specific actions you will take the next day to make sure you are staying on your path to achieve your highest potential. Ignore the natural desire to write down a 25-item to-do list. You might have a 25 item list that outlines what steps you need to take to accomplish your goals, but this not a to-do list. Those lists are not effective at helping you get your most important work done. They hurt your ability to focus and can make even small tasks seem daunting.

You choose how to spend your time. You must make many choices everyday. By eliminating clutter and focusing on what is most important you are choosing to be effective. The daily planning method I use is called “3 and 3 Planning”.  Each night before you go to bed you write down the 3 most essential things you will accomplish the next day and then write down the 3 additional things you must do to take yourself to the next level.

Essential Tasks are things you must do. No excuses. No matter what happens, these three items must get done. When I started they were:

  1.     Prayer – Meditation
  2.     Reading Inspirational Scripture/Material – 30 min. minimum
  3.     Express love to my wife and kids through Words and Actions

I was committed to those three actions and they became a part of me.

The next step in the nightly planning process is to really erase all of the clutter and determine what three tasks would take you to the next level of success. Not 4, not 5, but 3 specific actions. These tasks can be constant, other times they change daily. Really, it depends on what actions will create the most dramatic impact on your achievement.

When you create your goals, your should also list all the steps that will be required to achieve those goals. You outline each step along the way. Whether it is 5 steps or 25 steps, the next most important three steps become your 3 additional things you will accomplish. If you have responsibilities at work and need to finish a project for a client, then that item might become number 1. For me at the beginning my Next Level Tasks looked like:

  1.     Exercise: 15 minutes cardio, 20 minutes weights
  2.     Call and Nurture 10 prospective clients
  3.     Write 10 Thank you notes

If I had a sales call next week and was giving a presentation, the next level task might include presentation prep everyday for a week, but when that presentation was over, it would be dropped off. Next level tasks are determined by your responsibilities as well as your goals.

After 30 days or more, some or all of your essential tasks will become habits and therefore have no need to be written down and they can be removed. Then some of your Next Level Tasks can be moved to Essential and you can replenish the Next Level Tasks. For example: If you had an Essential Task of reading educational material for 30 minutes a day and you did it for 30 days in a row, it is now a habit and is part of you. You own it so it can be removed. One of your Next Level Tasks, such as Exercise for 20 minutes that you did for 30 days (as long as you really did it) can now be moved to the essential task since it is part of who you are. Not all Next Level tasks need to be moved to essential, as many are one-time projects. Next Level Tasks can change daily if needed, or can become longer-term tasks that become essential once you have mastered some of the more essential tasks.

Anything you complete in addition to the items you wrote down in the “3 and 3 Planning” is bonus, extra credit, and will help you. But do not focus on those things, focus on the structure first and let other items come later.

It is easier to be committed to a few things then try to do everything at once.

The value of simplification allows your mind to focus on what you want to accomplish. Greg McKeown wrote a great book on how to simplify your life:

Essentialism: the disciplined pursuit of less. By creating a process to determine what you must do, and what you should do that is short, concise, and precise you will be able to execute and accomplish far more than just by creating mega-long to-do lists. Having the right frame of mind is the foundation for your life. Your defined goals are the design of your future. Your action plans determine the structure of your success

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. Thus, your decisions do determine your destiny.

– Mareo McCracken

 

Mareo McCracken

Put The Blame On Me


blame

 

Our reference points, motives and biases form the foundation of all that we feel and do. Why we do things determines our decisions and outcomes. When it comes to accomplishing our goals, helping other people, reducing conflict, and creating successful relationships – we can choose the quality of every interaction.

Humans are naturally selfish. The need to survive has created habits and mechanisms that put our own personal needs above the needs of others. One way we deceive ourselves into being selfish is the way we view other people. We often see ourselves as the center of reality, as the most human, living-being in our world – while we see others as objects, not people. We treat objects much differently than we treat humans. By seeing other people as objects we can then justify any action that puts our needs above theirs – this is where most conflict comes from. Viewing others as objects rather than as humans allows us to justify our opinions and feelings as correct while making sure that we blind ourselves to the correctness of other people’s ideas, needs, and actions

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. In order to understand this idea better please read:  “The Anatomy of Peace” – by The Arbinger Institute.

When we try to see other people as humans rather than objects, our actions, thoughts, and behaviors will change. We will be able to solve problems that before seemed insurmountable. We will have the ability to help others get what they want and feel good doing so.

Studying the WHY of what we do rather than the WHAT creates the foundation for effective change. If a building is built on unstable ground, the entire structure is at risk. It is the same in our lives. If our beliefs and mindset are not built with sure and true principles, then all of our relationships, success, and endeavors are at risk.

When things go wrong we give our power to others by blaming. When we blame others for events or actions, we are not taking responsibility for our own ability to create change. When we blame, we are not viewing them as humans, but rather as objects who are supposed to be perfect. To start the process of really viewing others as living beings, whenever a conflict or negative situation arises – begin by asking yourself 4 questions:

  • What do I really want the outcome to be?
  • What do they really want the outcome to be?
  • What can I do to change the current situation?
  • What can I do to help the other person get what they want?

The answers to these questions allows the possibility for deeper understanding and a reduction of selfishness. In life, the more we help other people get what they want, the byproduct is that we end up getting what we want. Adam Grant wrote a book that describes all people as either givers, takers, or matchers. While all three can achieve success – those who help others the most end up achieving the greatest success and satisfaction.  Viewing others as humans helps us overcome selfishness. In taking responsibility for our own feelings, our own actions, we can then learn to navigate complex relationships and reduce conflict in all areas of our lives.

Mareo McCracken

Gratitude = Happiness

gratitude

Positive Psychology is an academic field that studies happiness. According to positive psychologists Ken Sheldon and Sonja Lyubomirsky, there is research that says that up to 40 percent of our happiness comes from activities that we choose to action.

In the search for uncovering the secret to happiness, positive psychology keeps returning to the same concept: gratitude. In multiples studies, researchers have found that if people are purposefully engaged in trying to become more grateful, they are more likely to become happier. Gratitude is a feeling. It is an emotion we choose to have based on our willingness to appreciate the good that is around us.

Showing gratitude privately and publicly creates happiness. In my life, I have found that people who do certain things are able to experience increased levels of gratitude.

Three ways to develop gratitude:

  1. Journal it! Write down daily what you are thankful for. Every morning write down 10 things you are grateful for. Every night before you fall asleep write down another 10 things you are thankful for. Our words create our world. Our thoughts define our soul.
  2. Tell it! Each day commit to telling one person why you are thankful for them

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    . It could be a friend, spouse, co-worker, child, taxi driver, grocery store cashier… anyone. Telling people you are thankful for them increases your awareness, and creates happiness in others. Do more than say “Thank You”. Be specific as to why you are thankful and even better write them a letter.

  3. Forget it! All obstacles, struggles, pain and setbacks are only as powerful as we allow them to be. Letting go of the bad, letting go of the negative – is as important as focusing on the good. Dwell only on what can help you achieve your potential and discard the rest.

Being constantly happy is not realistic or even practical. We need adversity. Our well-being is determined by the meaning we give to each situation. We can choose to feel happy based on actions we take. Pain and struggle are vital for growth and mastery. The meaning we apply to the pain is what really determines our happiness. If we can be thankful for the experiences and appreciate what is happening, we then are in control over our personal happiness. Be thankful, tell others you appreciate them, and ignore the negative.

– Mareo McCracken

 

More Resources:

Shawn Achor Ted Talk

Sonja Lyubomirsky – Article

 

Mareo McCracken

Determine Your Goals – 3 D’s


calm Goals

Goals are more than desires, more than ambition. They are specific accomplishments that you set in your heart and mind that you will achieve

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. Goals become your guiding light, your north star, and your destination.

Everyone has desires. Everyone has wants. Desires and wants are meaningless without action. The first step to creating actionable goals is to make sure your mind is in a state that is able to accept change, believes in your potential and is open for education. Once your mindset for success is formed you can then chip away and become your true self.

There are three steps you can take to determine what you will accomplish:

  1. Decide what your abilities and talents are.

  2. Define what your calling and purpose means to you and what it means to others.

  3. Defend your mission to your support team.

Decide. We must decide what our purpose will be. We all have been given talents and must focus on developing our true core selves. While working on strengthening weaknesses is important, more success will be found if your focus is doing what you were born to do. Finding what you are good at is the first step. Are you good with numbers? Do you recognize patterns in sets of data? Do you connect well with children and youth? Do you understand and empathize with people who are hurting? Can you organize complex details and explain them to others? Do you have the ability to teach? Are you a writer? Are you public speaker? Do you have a good memory? If you know what you excel great, move on to step # 2. If not write down the 10 most successful moments of your academic and work life. What were you doing during those times. Next, ask your 5 closest friends and 5 closest family members to give you a list of the ten things that you do well. Once you can aggregate all of the items from others combined with your 10 most successful memories, you will be able to paint a clear picture of what you do well. (Note, this is not about specific business or academic fields, but more so the characteristics and abilities you possess)

Define. Every situation we are placed in has a meaning. That meaning is created by us. We can choose the meaning for every event, every circumstance. We have the power to control our thoughts and responses.There are unlimited possibilities that could be our calling, the beauty of life is, that we can choose our calling as much as the calling chooses us. Once you have decided on your main ability now you must define how it you will use it.  Is your calling to build a business in our local community that creates jobs for others, it is to teach youth about self-esteem, is it to reduce conflict in divorces, is it to help bring technology to those who do not have access, it is to help make food more available to others? Whatever you define becomes your meaning. Specifically write down what your ability will do for others and for yourself. How many people will you help? How much money will be in your bank account? How many people use your services? What type of relationship do you have with those you love? The areas to think about are professional, monetary, service, spiritual, family, and community. This is where traditional goal setting comes in – you take your talents and turn them into results. Make sure your dream big, not what others think is possible, but what you actually want to accomplish. What will be your legacy? What will you leave behind? Your purpose is created by your intention, your ability, and your action. You need to know yourself and be detailed in what you want to do with your passions. You can define 3 goals, 5, goals, 20 goals, or 100 goals, it does not matter the number of goals. What is important is that they align with your belief system, that they have a powerful effect on you, and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to get them. The final step in the define stage is to organize them in order of importance to you.

Defend. The last step might be the most important. It is determining how you feel as you explain them to others. Go to your spouse, your best friend and tell them about your goals. Make sure the person is naturally someone who encourages you and believes you. Do you feel inspired or passionate when you are explaining them, or are they just empty words? When you defend your goals you realize how much they mean to you. If you do not feel excited or passionate about your goals, go back to step 2.  If saying your goals out loud, defending and explaining them give you energy or make you feel alive then you know you are on the right track.

In order to achieve your potential you must know what you really want to accomplish. Not vague dreams, but specific results of your individual contributions. Your accomplishments are as real as you make them. Your talent and passion when aligned with purpose and action will help you form a creative guiding force in your life. As you analyze your abilities and align them with your ambitions, you can create the life you want and realize your potential.

– Mareo McCracken

—————–

Some additional resources include a great book by Brian Tracy called Goals!: How to Get Everything You Want — Faster Than You Ever Thought Possible

Mareo McCracken

Mindset for Success


Mindset

Success through achievement is more than action – it is a mindset.  Often, we think that success is based on physical execution of specific tasks. When in reality true success is having the ability to control our responses to the world around us

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. When we control our thoughts, emotions, and attitude our actions will take care of themselves.

Whatever has happened to us in the past cannot be changed, but more important: nothing ever really “happens” to us. There is the environment and then there are our responses to that environment. Our outcomes are determined by our ability to control our thoughts. Thoughts lead to actions.

The famous author and pastor Charles Swindol said:

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

When it comes to success in work and life everyone talks about execution. In reality execution is only 10% of the equation. The action is important, yet before the action can build the results, the foundation needs to be made sure. Our attitude, the other 90% is the true determinant of success.  Our attitude is what success is built upon.

While easier said then done, creating the proper mindset for success is the most important act anyone of us takes in order to truly fulfill our potential. In order to create the foundation for our minds, we need to do three things:

  1. Erase Excuses. There are many things out of our control, those things do not matter. Other people who detract from our potential need to be removed from our lives (or at least their influence).  It is not the economy’s fault. It is not our boss’s fault. It is not because of lack of opportunity. Everyone has a different story and a different path to success.
  2. Embrace Change. In order to reach new levels of success you must reach higher, stand taller, do things today that you were not doing yesterday. Therefore change your habits of today and create new ones that coincide with your real potential.
  3. Enlighten through Education. Read, listen, and learn. Study those who have been successful. Read more. Read often. Read success stories, biographies, and inspirational stories. Read material that helps you become an expert in your field. Read material from other fields. Be curious. Thirst for knowledge. The mind and soul need to be refueled, often. In order to make sure the garden of the mind is well groomed, it has to be filled with proper thoughts and ideas.

Incredible levels of success are created when the mindset that creates the action takes responsibility for all outcomes, is willing to change and is humble enough to keep learning.

– Mareo McCracken

Mareo McCracken

Drucker – 10 Quotes

drucker

 

Always good to learn from the masters – Peter Drucker is a master of masters.

Here are some of his greatest pieces of wisdom:

1. “Doing the right thing is more important than doing the thing right.”

2. “If you want something new, you have to stop doing something old.”

3. “There is nothing quite so useless as doing with great efficiency something that should not be done at all.”

4. “What gets measured gets improved.”

5. “Results are gained by exploiting opportunities, not by solving problems.”

6. “So much of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to work.”

7. “People who don’t take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year

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. People who do take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year.”

8. “Meetings are by definition a concession to a deficient organization. For one either meets or one works. One cannot do both at the same time.”

9. “Long-range planning does not deal with the future decisions, but with the future of present decisions.”

10. “Management is doing things right. Leadership is doing the right things”

Mareo McCracken

Read. This. Book.


peace anatomy

 

The Arbinger Institute succeeded at sharing a complex idea with a simple to understand story.

I do not say this lightly – The Anatomy of Peace is one of the most transforming books I have ever read

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Victory Over Self

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Peacemaking – Mosten


peace

 

 

A pioneer in mediation (Peacemaking), Forrest Woody Mosten writes that:

 

“Peacemaking is not a process but a set of values, personal attributes, goals and behaviors that guide our work.”

 

In his short article titled: “Beyond Mediation Toward Peacemaking”

Forrest Woody Mosten gives mediators some great advice:

“1. Make peacemaking your life’s work. Talk about it, study it, create a personal mission statement

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. Create a career plan and have a vision of your role in the field—five, ten, twenty and thirty years from now.

2. Perform a peacemaker-impact study in the work you do. Test every projected plan to gain skills, help your clients, or build your practice by how such plan is consistent with peacemaking.

3. Add new roles or services within your current job or practice to enhance peacemaking. For example, if you are doing conciliation work within your organization, think about how to educate members of your organization about peacemaking or consider developing a coaching program to help individuals going through disputes within your organization or in their personal lives.

4. Become a preventive conflict-wellness thinker and provider.

5. Constantly reflect on your own professional behavior and monitor your humility and openness to new approaches.

6. Embrace others through collaboration and implementation of peacemaking values.”