Mareo McCracken

3 Ways to “ALWAYS” Build Trust


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Relationship quality is measured by the level trust attained. One determinant of success is the quality of our relationships, or the ability to build trust.

“Again and again, we see both individuals and organizations perform only to a small degree of their potential success, or fail entirely, simply because of their neglect of the human element in business and life.” – John C. Maxwell

The main focus of any leader is to build trust. Relationships built on trust are the foundation of success. No one has succeeded on an island. Stephen M.R. Coveyteaches that there are two types of trust:

  1. Character (your integrity)
  2. Competence (the ability and willingness to produce).

”Trust in others comes not only from being truthful but also from the extent you reliably you do what you say you will do.” Stephen M.R. Covey

Leaders who inspire, build, motivate, and ultimately succeed are leaders who are able to develop and maintain both types of trust in their professional and personal relationships. Some trust is instantaneous, while other trust must be earned over time. Recently I took a helicopter ride while working on a project in Brazil. As soon as we arrived at the helipad I saw the pilot with his uniform, stripes, and various symbols that signified his competence. Instantly I believed that he had the ability and qualifications to fly the machine safely. The same is usually true when we visit a doctor or attend a university lecture. Credentials can build trust. Especially trust in competence.

In business though, credentials often mean very little. Building trust with individuals and teams comes down to our ability to navigate complex social situations. While the circumstances may vary, the process of building lasting trust is very simple to learn and apply.

The process for building trust is:

  1. Always Listen First (Curiosity, Concern & Care)
  2. Always Speak About People as If They Can Hear You
  3. Always Do Exactly What You Promised, then Do More

The first two steps in the process build your “character trust” and the final step builds your “competence trust”.

Jeff Haden produced a short analysis on the Science of Building Trust that examined the book The Decision to Trust: How Leaders Create High-Trust Organizations.

Jeff counsels leaders on how to build trust and make effective decisions:

“When you put yourself in your employees’ place and consider their perspectives and their needs, you can easily determine the best ways to act and communicate so you can create an environment of empowerment and trust… and in the process build a high-performing organization.” – Jeff Haden

Leaders who build trust are leaders who succeed.

Always Listening First allows us to learn and understand. And more important, those people we are building relationships will feel our genuine care. Emotions control relationships. Listening gives other people the chance to express themselves; this opens the door to connection and long-term positive associations. By listening you show concern while learning what types of actions and behaviors will best allow this relationship to succeed.

Always Speaking About People as If They Were Present does not necessarily build trust, but doing the opposite is the fastest destroyer of trust. Lying and cheating is wrong – you might or might not get caught. But, whomever you talk to will know how you talk about others. They will not want to be talked about when they are gone and therefore will not trust you. Be the type of person you want to be friends with.

Always Doing Exactly What We Promised, and Then Doing More shows we have integrity, we are honest, and just as important – that we are competent. Getting the job done is what makes the world go round. If you promise a phone call, make the call. If you promise an email, send the email. If you promise a trip to the swimming pool, go to the pool! (Practice with your family – the ones closest to you are often the hardest ones to keep promises to.) No matter how honest we are, if we do not produce something, we do not add value. There are many things we can produce – if our role is a high school teacher our product then is how well we teach, educate, and inspire the youth. If our role is as an accountant, our accuracy and insights we produce become our product. Everyone in some form or another has value to contribute. Everyone can create and produce. Competence comes from the skill, ability, and willingness to produce the best possible product. We trust people who constantly perform. First do what you say you will, then wow them and do more.

Following the simplified three things we must “ALWAYS” do will put us in situations to constantly be building trust. Building trust in relationships takes time, is easy is to loose and nearly impossible to regain

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. Earning trust once is hard, earning it twice next to impossible. Work hard at building trust; treat trust building like a profession. Always listen, Always Speak Kindly and Open About Others, and Always Deliver.

Now Its Your Turn: What are some ways you have found that help build trust? What advice do you have for others on their journey? (please share your experience and knowledge)

* For further study I recommend these 3 books:

  1. The Decision to Trust: How Leaders Create High-Trust Organizations – Robert F. Hurley 
  2. The Speed of Trust – Stephen M.R. Covey
  3. Winning With People – John C. Maxwell

Some More Posts:

Mareo McCracken

Real Change, Comes from Within.

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Be Passionate About Being Curious

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Mareo McCracken

The 4 D’s for Gaining Confidence

HK Color

Confidence is a feeling, it is a deep felt trust and belief that is shown through actions. Confidence is not necessarily a trust in the outcome, but a trust in the process – that no matter what what happens – you have the ability to endure, survive, and then thrive in any given situation. Where does confidence come from? Confidence grows from preparation, action, and belief.

I remember a time while living Hong Kong, I was given a task that I felt I was not qualified for. I was not confident. My lack of confidence was evident to others and my results/work started to suffer. A mentor stepped in, and gave me some advice that I will never forget: “Do what you can, relax, ask a million questions, and believe in your work.”  The light-bulb went on, a door was opened for me. Once I got my mindset corrected, the actions changed, the confidence came, the results improved, and I built a trust in abilities.

So, how do we gain confidence?

1. Develop Expertise

 

Fear is the opposite of confidence. Preparation erases fear. The most prepared are usually the most successful. Experts are prepared. They have prepared for years. In order to become an expert you must spend huge amounts time on deliberate practice and then have the ability to maintain this effort when facing obstacles. Overcoming obstacles builds confidence. Knowing you have overcome obstacles in the past helps you face new challenges going forward.

2. Distance Yourself From Stress

One huge factor that can reduce confidence is stress. When stressful situations arise our thoughts become focused on the negative rather than the positive. Dr. Travis Bradberry wrote a breakthrough article that outlines the 10 things that successful people do to stay calm and reduce stress:

 

1. They Appreciate What They Have

2. They Avoid Asking “What If?”

3. They Stay Positive

4

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5. They Limit Their Caffeine Intake

6. They Sleep

7. They Squash Negative Self-Talk

8. They Reframe Their Perspective

9. They Breathe (breathe in the moment, focus on breathing)

10. They Use Their Support System     

3. Duplicate the Actions of Those Who Have Confidence

How do confident people act? Dharmash Shaw, the founder of Hubspot, teaches us what the 9 Traits of Truly Confident People are:

1. They take a stand not because they think they are always right… but because they are not afraid to be wrong.

2. They listen ten times more than they speak.

3. They duck the spotlight so it shines on others.

4. They freely ask for help.

5. They think, “Why not me?”

6. They don’t put down other people.

7. They aren’t afraid to look silly…

8. And they own their mistakes.

9. They only seek approval from the people who really matter.

Practice: do one of those 9 items each day. Focus on one area until it becomes part of your normal habits. Then switch to another of the 9 actions, and then keep going until you master all 9 actions.

4. Decide to Believe

Decide to believe in yourself. Decide to believe in your ability. Decide to believe in your potential. Decide to believe in your experience. Decide to believe in your support team. Decide to believe in your success. Our mind controls our thoughts. Our thoughts our actions. We determine what we believe. We can all choose to believe in ourselves as well is in those in our lives in give us strength. Our ability to choose is the greatest power we have. We we choose to believe in ourselves, we then are deciding to choose actions that lead to true confidence.

By following the 4 D’s of Confidence – Developing Expertise, Distancing Yourself from Stress, Duplication of Confident Actions, and Deciding to Believe – you can gain true confidence, not “fake until you make it” superficial confidence (useful in the beginning, but not a long term solution), but real, honest, self-belief that will allow you to become as successful as you are meant (or want) to be.

 

– Mareo McCracken

Mareo McCracken

Continuous Effort – Churchill

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5 Regrets Solved & 10 Steps for Better Relationships

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Success is about moving forward. Martin Luther King, Jr. said:

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

Often, it is hard to move forward, we have regrets that hold us back. Sometimes regret can ruin us, as the legendary sales trainer, Victor Antonio teaches:

“Regret is fertile ground for negativity and pessimism to set in, which only begets more regret, which can only be remedied by letting go of the past and taking decisive action.”

Dave Kerpen, the CEO of Likable Local, wrote an article for Inc. that shares 17 motivational quotes that help us let go.  My favorite from his list:

“The great courageous act that we must all do, is to have the courage to step out of our history and past so that we can live our dreams.” — Oprah Winfrey

Other times regret can be used as a way to help us remember the actions we took that produced results we did not desire. This regret can be used as a tool to motivate us to make different choices going forward. We can learn from our own experiences, but we can also learn from the experiences of others

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A now famous Australian nurse, Bonnie Ware,  spent several years caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying advice. These insights received so much attention that she put her notes into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. The five most common regrets are:

  1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
  2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
  3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
  5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

All 5 of the regrets revolve around relationships. Whether the relationships are personal or professional – how we define ourselves in relation to and with others is the biggest determinant of our happiness (or lack thereof).  The more time I spend with those I care about, the more fulfilled I feel.

In the The Thank You Economy by Gary Vaynerchuk , the author explains how important relationships really are:

“…no relationships should be taken for granted. They are what life is all about, the whole point. How we cultivate our relationships is often the greatest determinant of the type of life we get to live. Business is no different. Real business isn’t done in board meetings; it’s done over a half-eaten plate of buffalo wings at the sports bar, or during the intermission of a Broadway show. It’s done through an enthusiastic greeting, with an unexpected recommendation, or by offering up your cab when it’s raining. It happens in the small personal interactions that allow us to prove to each other who we are and what we believe in…”

The best way to build relationships is to help other people. Helping other people is the only true secret to sustainable success.

Adam Grant, Wharton’s top-rate professor who wrote Give and Take, explains that the givers are the ones who give freely to others and thereby creating the most rewarding relationships. From his book:

“The more I help out, the more successful I become. But I measure success in what it has done for the people around me. That is the real accolade.”

“This is what I find most magnetic about successful givers: they get to the top without cutting others down, finding ways of expanding the pie that benefit themselves and the people around them. Whereas success is zero-sum in a group of takers, in groups of givers, it may be true that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.”

Adam Grant’s message coincides with one of my favorite Martin Luther King, Jr. quote:

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?’”

Helping others, spending time with those we love, and cultivating true and pure relationships without expectations is how we can develop fulfilling relationships in life and in business. This in turn helps us to maximize our potential. Spending time developing relationships is what will create stronger bonds. We need to spend time with those people we care about.

Some good advice I have found for building professional relationships comes from John Hall and an article he wrote for Forbes. John provides 10 actions that lead to building effective professional relationships: (most can also be applied to personal relationships too!)

  1. Sharing knowledge
  2. Finding out what’s valuable to them
  3. Sharing your resources
  4. Making them aware of an opportunity
  5. Giving them transparent feedback
  6. Being a brand advocate
  7. Giving introductions
  8. Volunteering your time
  9. Recognizing them
  10. Giving gifts 

Time is precious. How we spend our time matters. Remembering the past and learning from the experiences we gained is valuable in guiding our future actions. Letting go of the pain and regrets of the past is vital to future progression. In order to live life to the fullest we must focus on our relationships.

– Mareo McCracken

Mareo McCracken

Be a Fast-Follower & 8 Tips


Fast Followers Image

Failure is not lack of success. It is a result of giving up and not having the right strategy for success.

Winston Churchill said:

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”

Fear is only realized when we don’t act. Action erases fear. Often in business as in life, we are afraid of what we don’t know.  We are afraid of failure. The concept of failure needs to be changed

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Tony Robbins preaches:

“In every situation there is no failure, only results.”

For every event in our lives, we define what the results mean to us. If the results are viewed as failure, then we have created the failure. If the results are viewed as educational moments then the results become wins.

While action fixes a multitude of weaknesses, our work ethic must be tempered by strategy.  Our strategy for success comes from modeling the behavior of those who have been successful before us. Steve Blank, Stanford Business Professor, teaches that there is often comfort and faster success that comes from being a fast-follower rather than a fast-mover. Trying to gain first-mover advantage often leads to disastrous results.

Besides modeling those who are most successful as a fast-follower, here are eight principles of timeless business advice from Jeff Haden:

  1. Focus on collecting knowledge…
  2. …but focus more on collecting knowledgeable people.
  3. Give before receiving.
  4. Look past the messenger and focus on the message.
  5. Always work on next.
  6. Eat as many of your words as you can.
  7. Turn ideas into actions.
  8. Learn about squirrel nests.

Focus on finding those in your industry who already do well what you specialize in; then find a way to do what they do better by putting your own unique twist into the recipe. Stay positive and follow a plan.

Mareo McCracken

5 Balls


5 ballz

We have 5 balls. 1 is made of rubber, four are made of glass.

1. Work – rubber ball

2. Family

3

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. Health

4. Friends

5. Spirit

Don’t drop the glass ones. 

Mareo McCracken

2014 Top 10 Book List


 

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The brave author, leader, and abolitionist Frederick Douglass once said:

“Once you learn to read, you will be forever free.”

Yearly, I release a list of the top ten non-fiction books that had the biggest impact on me. Often a book you read will forever change you (like My Orange Duffel Bag) or you find a book you that gives you new insights every-time you read it (like Leadership and Self Deception). Choosing only 10 is difficult, but allows me to reflect and prioritize the year through the lens of others’ words and knowledge. Some books are new, some are old – all were new to me this year (2014) and that is how they were chosen; new-to-me books that I have read this year that impressed me as being important, sharing valuable information, helping provide new thoughts, or just help to simplify life.

The benefits of reading are numerous. A great summary of some of the value that comes from reading can be found here. My goal for many years has been to read at least one book per week. Joseph Brodsky teaches us that:

“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them.”

Reading helps me expand my views and understand others as well as myself.

As John Green wrote:

“Great books help you understand, and they help you feel understood.”

For me, reading allows me to experience what others have experienced, to feel what I might not have been able to feel otherwise

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. Reading fiction is important. It helps us develop empathy. Reading non-fiction is important. This list is just for non-fiction books.

If interested: Here is the 2013 List.

Below is a list of the Top 10 books that inspired me the most in 2014, in random order:

Seven Pillars of Wisdom: A Triumph Lawrence, T E

7pillars

The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict Arbinger Institute

Anatomy of Peace image

Bonds That Make Us Free: Healing Our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves Warner, C. Terry

bonds

Selected Works (Penguin Classics) Cicero, Marcus Tullius

Cicero

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less McKeown, Greg

essentialism

I And Thou Buber, Martin

i and thou

Little Miss: a father, his daughter & rocket science Meikle, Nathan

Little Miss

Stories Mediators Tell Galton, Eric R.

mediators

The Secret Club That Runs the World: Inside the Fraternity of Commodity Traders Kelly, Kaye

Secret Club

Unwind!: 7 Principles for a Stress-Free Life Bracken, Sam / Olpin, Michael

unwind

– Mareo McCracken

 

Mareo McCracken

Perceptions of Happiness


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A recent forum/blog post by Wharton marketing professor Cassie Mogilner outlines groundbreaking research regarding how our perception of happiness changes as we age. Dr

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. Mogilner and her co-researchers basic findings are that when we are young excitement = happiness and the older we get the more calmness = happiness. Both desired results of either excitement or calmness are based on one central aspect: time. How we spend our time is the greatest determinant of our happiness. Not the amount of money or things we have.

With both happiness factors, if time is spent creating and building personal relationships our happiness level increases. While there are many types of personalities, with some more outgoing than others – most people want to feel involved, connected, and appreciated. Developing positive relationships with other people helps us realize those emotional needs.

Also, some of the interesting counterintuitive research points out that the more stressed or time constrained we feel can be solved as we give our time to others, as we give of ourselves and our time the less stressed we end up feeling. The more we serve and volunteer our time, the more time it feels that we have.